You guys are amazing. Thank you so much for being so supportive on that last post! I'm sorry to leave that last post up for so long...what a downer! We have been living regular life and I got so busy with the kids now being home.
Normal life for a mom:
Yesterday I went to the gym to swim for the first time in a bunch of weeks. My 3 older kids used to go to the big gym and my youngest used to go to the little kids gym. When I got there yesterday everything was different for summer. My youngest now goes to the big gym, my two 9 year olds go to a different big gym and my 11 year old? She goes to the "teen center". I don't even need to sign her in and out anymore. Everyone was hesitant with their new places to go. My 5 year old cried when I left him. He doesn't like unexpected change and since I had no idea it would be different, I couldn't prepare him. Hopefully next time since he will know what to expect he won't be so upset. Although with him, I bet it will take a few weeks before he doesn't cry when I leave him. Yesterday he just stood against the wall the whole time I was gone. He wouldn't play or participate at all, which is fine as long as he isn't disruptive and he wasn't.
My 11 year olds best friend was in the teen center when we got there so she was pretty happy. When I was just getting finished in the shower after my swim, her best friend's mom saw me and asked if she could just take the girls home with her. I started to say yes but then remembered that we were going to sign up for the summer reading program at the library on the way home from the gym. She said her daughter wanted to sign up too so I just told her to leave her daughter in the teen center and I would take her with us when we left.
We stopped at the library and signed all the kids up for the summer reading program. The kids were all excited to check out more books than I can carry. They sat down to look at their books and when I rounded a corner to set more of their books down on a table for them, I saw a really good friend of mine that I haven't seen in months. We talked for about an hour and towards the end, her son and all my kids were getting bored and wanted to go home. I pointed the kids toward the cookbook section and told them that they should look for a recipe they all agreed on and when they found it we could check out the book and they could make it when we got home. They found one in a chocolate cookbook.
We went home and had lunch and then the kids got started on their recipe. They made chocolate chip cheesecake bars. We had lunch, played outside and then decided that my daughter's best friend would stay for a sleepover too.
Abnormal mom life:
My gynecologist called this morning. The reason it took so long for him to call back was because he met with the gynecological oncologist to go over my case. I don't have cancer (that they know of) but the abnormal bleeding is worrisome. We talked about my options and decided that I will have surgery. I need to look over my calendar and choose a few weeks that look good for me and then call him back to look at his schedule and set it up. I laughed when we talked about weeks that are good for me because when is it ever a good week for surgery?
The fact that he talked to a gynecological oncologist is super impressive to me. I trust him completely and feel good about him doing the surgery. He didn't flat out say that my other doctor was an ass (or whatever the right word is for a doctor who does a surgery but not completely enough for it to be good for anything) for not doing the surgery completely and I stopped myself as I began to ask him that because I didn't want to put him on the spot. He sensed what I was about to ask and answered with an answer that confirmed what I believed, that the last surgery to remove just my uterus (and not get all of it) was useless without actually saying those words. I got his point, and he knew I understood.
I feel bad for my doctor because I can hear in his voice that he feels awful that I have to do this again. He did say that he can schedule a laparoscopy and see if he can take my cervix out vaginally (TMI! Sorry!) but then if he can't safely do it, he can switch over to cutting me "all the way open". When I said that he laughed and said that when I say it like that it makes him feel really bad. At least it will only be one surgery. I am looking at the middle of July I think. At least now I know not to buy the 20 punch tickets for the beach when we go this Friday. I will call tomorrow to schedule it. I could call right now but I want to have a little time to look over our schedule again and make sure whatever I choose is the best for the kids.
In other news, my chest CT showed no significant changes. The nodules are still there, but the same. I have to call to get the report to put in my file because I forgot to ask yesterday. My doctor called me less than 24 hours after the CT to tell me about it. This may be totally wrong (but no more wrong than changing the entire practice without letting patients know ahead of time) but I did not ask about the fees for his new concierge service. So far no one has sent me any information and no one has asked me for any fee so I am hoping to just wait a bit before I have to decide what to do. I do wish I had the information so I could look it over, but I figure if I don't ask and they never mention it, maybe I can just stick with him for a while longer because he really is a great doctor.
I feel like I am leading two completely separate lives sometimes, the normal everyday life of a mom and then this freaky medical disaster life too. They feel so separate that I often put them in little compartments in my brain and don't think of them together. When I am talking to my doctor, I am all focused on what he is saying, when my kids and I are playing, I am all there too. Today my doctor called when we were just finishing having homemade cinnamon rolls for brunch*. My head felt like it was going to explode at first because my two worlds are not supposed to mix. Then I sent the kids outside to play and all was good again.
*Brunch is the word for I forgot to make everyone breakfast until it was too late to call it that so I called it brunch and everyone thought it was all fancy.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
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8 comments:
I was just talking to my friend who has cancer (stage 4 first in her cervix and then in 4 or 5 other places). They keep trying to radiate it out of her. She comes to work and does her job but she's at the clinic at 8:30 every morning. Dual life- I hear that.
I'm sorry you're going through all this.
You know what I'm thankful for? Your husband and your children and your dog! Want to know why? Because they keep life normal for you. They serve as daily reminders that you do lead a very normal life with some unusual circumstances. Without them, I'd think it'd be much easier to wallow in what's wrong versus what's right. Nevertheless, I wish someone as kind as you didn't have to deal with so many medical challenges.
glad that you have more answers / less uncertainty now.
"worlds colliding" (seinfeld) - i can only imagine, but for what you are juggling i'm in awe.
best of luck, and keep enjoying the summer!
Sizzle-thanks. Sometimes it just feels so strange to realize that I have so much stuff that is uncommon to most peoples lives.
SoMi's Nilsa-I always say that I would have had such a harder time if not for my kids. I HAVE to cope with everything well so that I can be a good mom to them. If I didn't have them, I think I'd still be good, but maybe not quite as much.
bonzo-it feels better to know, but it will feel even better once the surgery is planned. Actually, it will feel best of all when the surgery is over and I am all healed again. Telling the kids is going to suck tonight though.
I am definitely going to enjoy the summer. We are going to the beach Friday. I am going to bring a sweatshirt because although 71 is warm enough for the kids to want to be in the water, it isn't even warm enough for me to want to be in a bathing suit! I will swim if they want me to but I am always freezing cold so I'm sure it will be worse whenit is actually cold out!
I agree with bonzo - your juggling act is WAY more impressive than anything I've ever seen at a circus!
I'm so sorry that you are going through this. More surgery, ugh. I wish I could come out there and help you out somehow.
Totally a double life! I was just thinking that the other day when I was coming home from a totally normal playdate and got a call to schedule my surgery. :) Maybe we should have a contest to see who can blog most coherently on pain killers through July. :)
At least the beginning of the day was good and normal :) At least you still get to enjoy the small things, kinda.
Sometimes things stress me out so much that I don't think about them. Nothing as serious as your condition, of course, but it's somewhat similar. It helps me cope, for sure, but it's getting me no where.
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