Suddenly Nervous

For some reason, I wasn't nervous about my upcoming surgery until just now. The nurse just called me to schedule it and I gave her 2 weeks that were better for me than any others this summer so she could find me a date. She found 2 dates that he has available but then said she would have to call me back tomorrow after she talked to the gynecological oncologist because he will be assisting and she needs to be sure he is free for the date we choose.

I knew he was consulting with a gynecological oncologist. I knew this. But hearing that he is assisting suddenly made me nervous. I am no stranger to the word cancer, but when it is said in combination with a surgery I am having, it makes me feel very uncomfortable. No one thinks this is cancer, he is assisting because my cervix is adhered to my bladder and other things and gynecological oncologists are better prepared to deal with odd/complicated things they may find. At least as far as I know no one is thinking it is cancer...doctors tend to keep that possibility to themselves until they know for sure so they don't freak people out for no reason. I am not stupid though, I do know it is a possibility, although unlikely.

Upcoming surgery is a great motivator to get things done that you have been putting off. I scheduled Maya's appointment to be spayed and took care of a bunch of other stuff on my to do list. To be clear, it isn't that I think I will die or something, I would never ever go into surgery if I had that kind of feeling, but just that who knows how long it will be before I am up to taking care of things again. I have no idea what to expect with this surgery and neither does my doctor. That's fun, right? (sarcasm) I am all for spontaneity, but maybe when it comes to health we could just be a little less up in the air.

You know what is great though? Having a friend that you can begin an email with "so tell me about your vagina" and have her answer your question without even thinking twice. And then you can both laugh about how ridiculous of a sentence that was. This is TMI so if you are a man or don't want to know so much personal stuff about me, skip this next part. My doctor is going to take out my cervix and then "sew the end of my vagina shut"(?!?!) That was a little disturbing to me so I needed to check with my friend that it wouldn't have any kind of effect on anything else after I am healed. I have been assured by my doctor that I will not notice a difference an neither will anyone else. My friend confirmed that everything feels the same. And on that note, I am going to end this. All I can hear in my head when I write this is Oprah's va jay jay and inexplicably chicken tetrazzini.