Update From Me, I'm Home!

Nilsa, thanks so much for updating everyone! I really appreciate it! I'm sorry I never got another update to you...I was mainly sleeping or trying to focus on something other than my pain. I used some of those useless giving birth breathing things where you pick something to focus on and control your breathing. I don't know if it helped or not, but at least it gave me something to do instead of focus on the pain. It still hurts a lot more than I expected, but I know it will get better soon.

I have tons to tell you about the surgery...my roommate had a ton in common with me and is waiting for the results of her thyroid biopsy. She is going to text me or call me when she finds out the results. I did not know her before this but I have a feeling we will remain close. What are the odds of that?

My surgeons didn't like the way my c-section scars and hysterectomy scar from before looked. You know what they did? They cut them out and made them into one! So now I just have one giant scar across from hipbone to hipbone and one in my belly button from the laparoscope. I joked about the free tummy tuck and then my doctors said that they almost couldn't do it because I didn't need even the tiny bit of tummy tuck they gave me. (It isn't a real tummy tuck, we were totally joking around, they just cut off the middle of the skin between the scars and it was a very tiny amount. But if they HAD given me a tummy tuck, I would have felt fine with that because after all the surgery I have had, I deserve something good to come of it. Even if I don't need it).

My oncologist is the nicest doctor I have ever met. Well, I should say one of the nicest doctors I have ever met. As he walked out the door today after discharging me he said "Tori, if all my patients were like you, I would never need a vacation". I try really hard not to be a pain in the butt patient, so that was really nice to hear. Such a nice man in addition to being a skilled surgeon to clean up the mess my old doctor left for him inside of me. The surgery was over 2 and a half hours! And obviously was not able to be done with laparoscopy.

My daughter's best friend's mom is a nurse. Guess who's nurse she almost was until she decided she would rather be my friend than my nurse. Yep, it was me. Because the anesthesiologist knew she knew me and we are friends, he said he'd be extra careful with me. I'm sure he would have been anyway, but I'm not sure if he would have thought of all the extra anti puke things he did to make me not throw up after surgery. This is the very first time I have ever had surgery and not at least felt like I needed to throw up. Plus, he gave me enough versed on the way to surgery that I have no idea what I said. Normally I remember everything until the actual going to sleep part.

My favorite nurse technician made my day when my roommate told him we both got to take showers today, and he said "together?" and laughed. I laughed so hard I thought I'd pop a staple out. Then I pictured them shooting across the room like weapons. AND I'm not even on drugs at all anymore. I would make a terrible drug addict because according to my friend (who called me and surprised me that he has an awesome voice and adorable accent, by the way),the drug I hated is the one drug seekers are looking for and the one I loved is no stronger than Ibuprofen.

I have lots of stories from my hospital stay but for now all I can say is that my oncologist said the frozen section done during surgery showed no cancer, and although he is having pathology cut smaller slices than normal to look through and be sure, he is fairly confident there is no cancer. That is excellent news!

Anyway, I need to go lie down now. I took a shower today (but not with my roommate), walked the halls a ton and then ate some food and didn't puke. Because I did so well with that, the choice was mine whether to go home today, or stay until tomorrow as both doctors had originally suggested. I chose going home. Then I rode home from the hospital that was way closer than I originally thought and checked my email. That is an awful lot more than I had done the past few days!

If some of this doesn't make sense, keep in mind I ate food (a very tiny bit and I felt as full as if I had eaten Thanksgiving dinner) for the first time since Sunday this afternoon and was on pain medicine for a few days. It still hurts way more than I expected. You would think I would have known what to expect from the previous surgeries, but this one was much rougher on me (and on the doctors doing the surgery). I am exhausted because they don't really let you sleep much in the hospital, and am going to take a nap as soon as I hit post.

I really appreciate all the emails, comments and good thoughts from everyone! You guys are the best!

An update on Tori

Hi all. Nilsa here reporting that Tori has come through surgery and is communicating with the outside world. Her text stated:

Done. In a lot of pain but getting drugged up. Will write more when the room stops spinning.

I know she appreciates all your thoughts, prayers and good-surgery dances throughout today and in the days to come. Should I hear more from her, I will be sure to update her blog again.

It's Good to do Fun Things

I guess that last post wasn't my last one before surgery. I had to sneak in one more post. Yesterday I got to hang out with some very cool people






I feel like I look not so great in this picture, but everyone else looks awesome so I'm posting it anyway.

I had met everyone before except for Sizzle. Well, I hadn't met Sweets before either but he's not in any pictures and has no blog. He was super nice too though. I love when you meet people who have blogs that you read and they are just who you thought they would be. So far everyone I have met through blogging has turned out to be someone I will be friends with in real life too. Just perfect. Nilsa was a great host, had yummy looking food...I didn't eat anything...I have been having a hard time eating the past few days because I'm sort of nervous about surgery and now today when I can't eat (liquids only day), I am starving. That is very typical of me though, tell me I can't do something and that is all I want to do.

Nilsa did a great job at having a nice relaxed comfortable place for us all to hang out. It was great to spend some time with friends and just talk and relax. I hadn't planned to go. I mean I wanted to go, but I felt like I should spend time with my family since I'll be at the hospital for a while and won't see them. When I said something about not going, my 11 year old daughter said "mom, you never get to see your friends. You should go and have fun. It's good to do fun things." The kids all said I should go except for my 5 year old son who said I should stay home and snuggle him on the couch. But he always says that and if it was up to him, I'd never go anywhere. I still felt like I should stay home and get all the stuff done that I needed to do (pack the kids up, pack stuff for the dog, pack my stuff, clean up a bit, etc.) In the end, my husband drove me there*, which made me laugh. When he dropped me off I said "thanks dad" because it just reminded me of when my parents used to drop me off places when I was little. I rode home with Kim and Steven, which was so nice of them!

Today I am making cookies with my kids for my doctors, packing everyone up, dropping them off at their grandparents house and doing laundry. I think we will try to squeeze in a trip to the library too.

This will for real be my last post until after surgery. Think good thoughts for me tomorrow around 11:15, and look for Nilsa's post letting you know everything went fine either tomorrow night or Wednesday, depending on when I'm able to let her know.

*If you are wondering about my husband dropping me off, I think everyone probably already knows I have issues with driving/parking in the city. It isn't that I can't do it, I just hate it. I hate street parking, one way streets, and all the crazy driving that goes on in Chicago. I was planning to drive myself after my kids talked me into going but when my husband offered I wasn't going to turn him down, especially since I knew Kim and Steven could drive me home.

Friends

A wise friend sent me an email last night that made things feel better. I relate what he told me to the fact that when you are swimming in an ocean, the more you struggle to stay in control, the less control you really have. When you stop struggling, the ocean holds you up effortlessly. That is something I needed to be reminded of. It is good to have friends who remind you of these things when you need it.

I don't want you to think all I do is sit around and worry. Actually, that couldn't be farther from the truth. I get all my worry and stress out here, kind of like putting it in a worry box (I think it was Sizzle that told me about a worry box...right?) and then once the worries are in there, or in my case on here, I can sort of forget them and be normal. As normal as I get anyway.

Today we are meeting with the neuropsychologist who will test my 9 year old for dyslexia and some other learning disorders. I can not tell you the relief I feel knowing that finally someone who knows what they are doing will be helping to guide me through this. Everyone always seems to expect me to be the boss, the one who has all the answers, and sometimes I need someone else to be that person. I am hopeful that this woman will be able to tell me what I can do to make learning easier for my daughter. Today's meeting is just for parents, she will begin testing in a few weeks. I won't be able to drive here there or wait for her in the waiting room to take her out to lunch between the morning and afternoon testing. It makes me feel terrible but I will be recovering. This mom thing comes with so much guilt. Except really I am the only one putting the guilt on me, I highly doubt anyone would be talking crap about me for not being there when I just had surgery. Especially when I have found a person she is very comfortable with to bring her and hang out with her. Another wise friend reminded me that I can't be everything to everyone all the time and that is all right.

Yet another friend has agreed to post an update here when I text her from the hospital after surgery. I should probably tell her the password to my blog pretty soon and make sure I have her correct phone number, shouldn't I? I am truly blessed to have such amazing friends....including the friends I did not list just now. I really am lucky to have such wonderful people in my life.


Some other things that don't go with this post at all, but I need to share:
I grew this! If one more could hurry up and grow then I could make some zucchini bread. That is the entire reason we decided to plant zucchinis. My 9 year old son could live on zucchini bread.



Yesterday the last clue came out for the mystery sock. I knit the rest of one sock yesterday. I have one more to go but am hopeful that I will finish it up this weekend.

This weekend I will be packing the kids up for their grandparents house, taking my 5 year old son to the eye doctor, getting all the laundry done etc. Yesterday I cleaned the outside windows. Because it is very important when you have surgery that the windows on your house are clean (sarcasm...normally I paint to take my mind off things but all the rooms in my house are now painted so I guess cleaning windows is the next best thing). I don't think I will get a chance to post again before I leave for the hospital, so look for Nilsa's post letting you know I lived and that all is well late Tuesday or early Wednesday next week. My surgery is not until 11:15 on Tuesday and I have no idea how long it will take. Think good thoughts for me then if you think about it.

One Week Until Surgery

I am having a hard time naming my feelings lately. I definitely feel something but it is hard to label what that is. A week from today I will be in the hospital. I think my surgery is scheduled for 11:15, which coincidentally is the time I began writing this. Here are the feelings I am feeling that I can name, not in order of importance:restless, afraid, guilty,busy, and tired. But I think when you put them all together, they make an entirely different feeling that has no name. Mrs. Organic helped me name the feeling I was trying to explain on my post from the other day. Desensitized.

I am trying to prepare for surgery and also do regular summer things with my kids. I am also trying to squeeze in doctor appointments for my kids. Last Friday was supposed to be my 9 year old son's neurologist appointment. I'll spare you the whole story, but he has Cyclical Vomiting Syndrome and lately has been having headaches that seem a lot like migraines. The two go together quite often so the gastroenterologist wanted him to see a neurologist so they could work together on this.

Thursday at 10:00, my doorbell rang. It was my mail lady. That is odd because our mail normally doesn't come before 1. She had an express mail envelope that I had to sign for. I noticed that it was from the Children's Hospital, and figured it was some kind of form we needed to fill out before our visit the next day. Always cranky and always needing to get at least one snide comment in, the mail lady said "you are the only people in the entire neighborhood getting your mail right now". When I looked confused, she explained that since the envelope had to be to our house before noon, she had to make a special trip. I wasn't sure what to say, so I apologized. But the thing is, that is her job. I did not send the envelope. I did not make her come to my house to give it to her. If she does not like delivering mail, perhaps she should consider another career. (That was totally ranty and I am sorry. It really had nothing to do with the story other than to tell you that our mail lady was cranky when she delivered the envelope)

When I opened the envelope, there was another envelope inside. I opened that one and there was a letter from the doctor saying he needed to "cancel his practice for Friday". There was a phone number to call to reschedule. The whole thing was completely bizarre. Why wouldn't they just call? They spent $13.05 mailing me a letter telling me I needed to reschedule the appointment. Normally that wouldn't be a big deal, but now I can't get his appointment in before my surgery, which means that by the time I am able to drive again, school will have started and I will need to take him out of school to get him there. Which is a big problem because my 5 year old will be in half day kindergarten. I won't have time to take my 9 year old to the doctor and get back in time to either put my son on the bus or get him off the bus depending on when the appointment was. It is also a problem because I am watching a little girl before kindergarten and putting her on the bus with my son.

Do you see how every little thing snowballs into a huge thing when it started as a tiny thing? Maybe stressed out and overwhelmed are the right feeling names? Except I don't feel stressed out, I just feel sort of defeated. Like nothing ever seems to work out well lately. I have one medical thing after another and work my butt off trying to make a normal childhood for my kids. Yet they still don't end. I think I have always equated hard work with success, and it just doesn't seem to make a difference how hard I try to be healthy, or how hard I work to do anything. Whatever is going to happen happens anyway. What I do seems to make no difference in what happens. In some ways, this lack of control is sort of good for me. To see that things happen and even though I have no control over them, they still turn out fine or I learn to work around whatever setback comes our way. But sometimes I just wish I could have a regular normal boring life. I don't even think I would know what to do with that anymore. But I do know I would remember to appreciate it if I had it.

I'll Call It Research

Maya gets her stitches out today. When we first got this puppy, I had no idea how much I would love her. She is a huge pain in the butt sometimes because she is a puppy, but the love she gives us more than makes up for it. I think she came into my life at the perfect time. My kids are all getting old enough that they won't sit and snuggle on the couch with me as much. Maya can't be in the same room with me without climbing into my lap.


Last week it was two of my kids half birthdays. Most people don't celebrate half birthdays, but I am not most people. I even hid birthday love notes...11 and a half for my daughter and 5 and a half for my son. They were born one day short of 6 years apart. Here are the cupcakes I made for my son, vegan chocolate cupcakes with chocolate frosting. I can't show you the cupcakes I made for my daughter because she is in all the pictures, but I made vegan peanut butter cupcakes with chocolate frosting.

My 5 year old is very stubborn. I think I have mentioned this before. I know he knows how to read because he reads me signs and when we read books together he catches me if I read it wrong. In the past though, whenever I try to get him to write anything, he throws the pencil or crayon or whatever and tells me it is "too hard". I haven't really pushed the issue, figuring that he would do it when he decided the time was right. Well, apparently that time was when he turned 5 and a half. He worked really hard on a present for me for his half birthday. He made me a comic book. If you can't tell, the picture is of my son and his brother giving me a valentine heart because they love me. He wrote "the end" all by himself too. He amazes me with how he waits until he can do something all the way before he tries. My oldest was a lot like that too when she was little. She practiced riding her bike in the basement for weeks without us knowing, and when she knew how to do it perfectly, she called us down to see. We were shocked! I love that he thinks that now that he is 5 and a half he can do all sorts of things he thought were too hard before. I also love that he made me a present for his half birthday.



The first sock is the mystery sock. Clues/pattern pieces are released every week or so and you knit only what they tell you. I have no idea what the rest of the sock will look like, but I can't wait until Wednesday when the next clue comes out! The second sock is made with yarn that I dyed, the Wildflower color.


I also dyed more yarn over the weekend. I have more to skein up, but listed in my shop are these. In the next few days I should be getting the rest listed. I already made a sale and am talking to a store near my house that might possibly want to carry my yarn. That would be incredibly exciting, so cross your fingers for me.
Midnight Sea
Seaweed

I may or may not have kept a skein of Seaweed because it is my very favorite colors. And unlike the Wildflower skein I kept and knit socks with above, this skein didn't even have any mistakes in it that I could use to justify keeping it. I just wanted it, so I took it.I suppose I can call it research because this is a new yarn base and I wanted to try it out anyway. I love it even more than the merino bamboo yarn.

Also, my sister in law made me a light box for taking pictures of the yarn. Either my camera sucks or I do at taking pictures because even with the light box I am not really very happy with the pictures I have taken of the yarn for the shop. I think I should have my kids play with the settings on the camera like the did when trying to take pictures of me doing cartwheels. I bet they could do better than me!

My Head Is a Big Jumbly Mess

This was going to be a post about Maya and how she had a bunch of loose teeth and like a freak, I was wiggling them because I thought it was fun. She totally let me wiggle her teeth, which I guess means she knows I am the boss of her or that she trusts me very much. Instead of that post and my theories about why I think it is fun to wiggle teeth that are loose in other people's mouths...I drive my kids crazy when they have loose teeth always begging them to let me wiggle them...I am going to write what I'm thinking about right now. (I had almost all my teeth pulled so I only got to wiggle about 4 teeth of my own and lose them naturally if that explains anything about this)


I got the calls to pre-register for the hospital for the 28th. After I did that, I was thinking about the surgery. For weeks, I have been walking around the house noticing how well I feel. I have been really noticing and paying attention to the fact that I can bend and stretch and move around and my stomach doesn't feel like someone is stabbing me. Every time I am aware of that, I then think about how it won't be like that in a few weeks. It is interesting to notice, to really pay attention to the fact that I feel good right now. I have energy, I am not in pain, etc. Normally you don't know something is going to go wrong until it does, so you don't get that time to really appreciate what you have while realizing what is coming. I'm not sure if that is good or not, but right now it just is.

After that thought, I was thinking about just how much surgery I have had recently. I was thinking that maybe because of that, I forget just what a big deal it is. Just because I have had a lot, that does not negate the fact that it is a huge thing. I think because I forget that things are a big deal, I portray confidence to my doctors, which then makes them talk to me as if it isn't as big of a deal. Not that my doctor is saying this isn't a big deal, in fact he is saying the opposite of that and has reminded me several times that it is a big surgery. I guess what I am thinking about is one particular conversation I had with my doctor about the surgery. He originally was going to try and do it laparoscopy(that is a hard word to spell!). When he said that, I remembered my ovary removal surgery in 2006. I went home from the hospital after that and didn't have to stay overnight. I asked my doctor if I would have to stay overnight for that. He said I would have to stay for one night. Then we talked about how if he had to cut me "all the way open" (he hated that I put it like that though) I would have to stay for multiple nights. He sort of said it like he felt sorry about that. As if he felt sorry that I would have to stay.

I can't seem to sort out my thoughts or express them well on this but I think since I talk about it like it is just "one more surgery" I forget to remind myself (???) that it is a really big deal. Most people don't have so many surgeries, and in fact most people don't have any. If you isolated just this particular surgery (or any of the surgeries I have had) and gave just that to someone else who hadn't had such a mess of medical problems it would seem like a huge deal to them. It would be huge drama and a major event in their life. For me, when you put it into the context of all the other stuff going on lately, it seems like a small drop in the bucket. I guess all of this boils down to the fact that people, even me, forget that this is a really huge thing.

I am 34 years old. I can't think of anyone I know who is even close to my age who has had all the surgery/medical problems I have had. If I saw someone else doing all of this, I would be in awe of them for handling it all. I guess sometimes I forget to be proud of myself for living this and also being a pretty good mom. I don't get a choice, so don't get me wrong, I am not saying I am some kind of hero at all. If I could trade this all away, I would in an instant. I guess sometimes I don't see the bigness of it all because I am so lost in it at the moment. I seem to forget that just because I have no choice in all of this, I am still doing it and it is still real. I feel like sometimes I downplay all of it not because I don't want people to worry (which is also true), but really because I am constantly pretending it isn't a big thing. I pretend that so much that none of it seems real and I sort of forget that anything is going on. I am really not expressing my thoughts well on this, and it is possible it is because when I really try to think about how I feel about things, the thoughts just disappear and I move on to something else. Maybe that is because that is how I am handling the whole mess in general. Trying to pretend it isn't there and isn't happening.

I think my final thought on this is that I am not being honest with myself. I want so badly to believe that nothing is a huge problem, and want so badly to make this no big deal that I trick myself into thinking that. Because of that, I see the reality through a filter and don't pay attention to the seriousness of it all. It all jumbles together as "surgery" and taken separately I convince myself and everyone else that it is nothing to worry about and just regular life. I mean it is just my real life, but it is the sucky part of my regular life. Like when I was pregnant and the whole time I was pregnant I felt like I was faking it and felt stupid telling people I was pregnant because I was "only" 4 months pregnant and not more. Like it wasn't enough to justify the label of "pregnant". This time I sort of feel like I always feel like I am faking the medical stuff. Not faking, just feel like it isn't my right to think it is a big thing or something. I feel like if it happened to someone else it would be a much bigger deal and that I don't have the right to hurt or something. And I guess I am just not able to figure out how to write what I am thinking in words so nevermind.

In summary, my head is a big jumbly mess and surgery is a big deal even if you have a lot of it. The end.

Dream Squashing Santa

I am a joy to watch movies with. And I am also being sarcastic in that statement.

We try to do movie nights as often as we can as a complete family. Since my husband travels so much for work, it is difficult to find a day when everyone is home in the evening. Last night we all were home and had nothing going on. It's summer, so the kids can stay up later and it worked out perfectly.

My husband chose the movie. He chose Gremlins. I had never seen it. This is common...growing up I didn't see many movies that everyone my age seems to have seen. Quite often when a bunch of friends are talking about a movie, I have never seen it. No one can understand how I am the age I am and haven't seen movies that "everyone" my age grew up with. Now it is almost a joke, where a friend will talk about a movie and then say "Tori never saw it, I'm sure" and then continue on.

We started watching the movie. When they said not to feed the guy after midnight, I said "until when?" I was being serious. It is always after midnight, isn't it? My husband shot me a look and we continued watching. Unfortunately, as soon as I said it, a debate happened with all the kids trying to figure out exactly what the time constraints were for them not being fed.

Eventually, one by one my kids lost interest in the movie. My 5 year old was the only one left towards the end. If you have seen the movie, you will know why this was a problem. When the girl talks about her dad in the chimney and then says "and that was how I found out Santa wasn't real" or something like that, my son looked at me. I gasped and looked at my husband. Now obviously my husband hadn't remembered that part or he wouldn't have shown it to our 5 year old, the only one of the kids who still believes in santa.

Luckily I am awesome at covering without actually lying. I don't believe it is right to lie to my kids about santa or the easter bunny or whatever, but I also don't want to be a dream squasher. Up until now, when we talk about things, I always sort of make them talk while I just listen. I have never told them they do exist and have never said they don't. I always turn it around into a question. This time I knew I had to do some damage control. I don't care if my 5 year old believes in santa, but I sure don't want the movie to be how he found out!

Luckily on Christmas day at my in-laws house an uncle dresses up as santa and hands out presents. Luckily, my son knows that is not the real santa. Luckily I was able to talk about how people dress up as santa a lot and he knew that was true and made his own story about this. He talked about how the real santa must be very tired so people pretend.

I did not enjoy Gremlins and neither did my kids. They have spent all day talking about the things in the movie that didn't make sense. I think maybe they are all a little too much like me in their skepticism. Or maybe once I planted the seed of doubt (when is after midnight? how long does that last?) they couldn't let it go and then started picking apart all the unbelievable parts of the movie. Oddly enough the actual Gremlin was not something they questioned at all. Apparently they are like me in that they can suspend their sense of reality if it is unreal enough, but if it is close to something that could be real and is only slightly off, they can not accept it. But at least we spent the evening together. Tonight we are eating ice cream and watching The Wizard of Oz. How many kids will be in my bed tonight with nightmares? Any guesses? I think they have all seen it before, so I'm not too worried. We'll see.

Stuff and Things

1. My kids were doing a pottery camp the past few weeks. They learned some really cool stuff and I wished I could have taken it too. While they were there, I dyed some yarn and worked on business things. Last week we got to pick up all the cool stuff they made. One thing puzzled me. The kids were supposed to sculpt some kind of food out of clay. Most of my kids made pie, cookies, pizza, and other easily identified food. My 5 year old made "moldy french fries" (because he wanted to paint them green but the teacher said they had to be realistic) and "fox fudge freakout ice cream". Once I knew what they were, I could tell, but I am constantly intrigued by his mind. I love that he problem solves and figures out creative ways to stay within the rules. I know when he begins Kindergarten, there is the potential that the teacher won't "get" him and it will be a problem, but I love it.

2. Maya got spayed on Friday. Although I was sad, I was sort of excited about sleeping in Saturday morning with no dog to have to take out early. It didn't quite work out that way because I was so worried about her that I couldn't sleep. I ended up much less rested than if she had been here. We did all kinds of things Friday to try and take our mind off of what was happening to her. We went to a reptile zoo and saw an animal that really freaked us all out. He was behind glass but the tour guide told us he can break any bone in a human's body with his tail. Even the skull or femur. Then she said that his saliva was so toxic to people that an adult would be dead within 2 days of contact. The animal (no idea what he was) was staring at us and watched our every move as we saw different animals in the same room. I was getting really creeped out and was trying not to act like it in front of the kids. The first thing they said when we turned the corner was "that guy was freaky". They had noticed it too. We then saw some kind of snake that would kill people even if they had the anti venom. Apparently he locks his jaw on you when he bites and continues injecting poison until the victim is dead. The tour lady said that even if the antidote was there, you'd run out before the snake ran out of poison.

3. Speaking of Poison, they are touring near me. I won't be able to go, but how cool would that be? Even though now that I have watched all the Rock of Love (including Rock of Love Bus) I have no attraction to Bret at all anymore. He sort of grosses me out a bit now.

4. Speaking of bad reality tv shows, I record Daisy of Love to watch on the treadmill. It is an amazing thing that some of the people on the show survived long enough to be adults. Some of them seem to lack common sense at an astounding level.

5. I just opened the mail and found out that my blood work was great. Everything that was supposed to be in the normal range was, everything that was supposed to be absent was, and everything that was supposed to be low was. How awesome is that?

6. I took my girls for their first pedicure on Saturday. My reasoning is kind of strange and morbid. I know everything will be fine with my surgery. Yet I can't think about it without thinking about all the things I would miss if something did go wrong...not just necessarily with the surgery, just in life. All the things I keep thinking about doing later, well, who knows how much later there is, you know? Not just for me, but for anyone. That's one of the reasons I didn't go with my instinct and wait to start the yarn stuff until after my surgery. I keep being all practical with everything, which is fine in some cases, but it is also fine to just try something and see. It is fine to not wait until everything is exactly right for whatever it is and just go for it.

7. Which is why we spent the day at the beach today and had a wonderful day. It was beautiful out, not too hot, not too cold. We had a lovely picnic there. Just a beautiful day all around.

8. I have 2 weeks until my surgery, which basically means I have only 2 weeks left of summer with my kids. I could look at that with sadness and be upset about how much I will miss, but instead I am choosing to look at it as how lucky I am to have two whole weeks to cram in as much fun as we can.

9. Speaking of surgery...Maya is doing fine after hers. I was laughing when the kids asked what she had done because basically she had the same basic surgery I will be having. I think. Isn't spaying a hysterectomy? When we dropped her off, they asked if we wanted to pay extra for pain medicine to bring home. I was expecting it to be super expensive or something because why else would they ask. It was $20. Do people really not spring for the pain medicine after their dog has major surgery like this? Is $20 so much that it needs to be an option? It would be unheard of to give a human surgery like that and the not be willing to shell out for the pain medicine. It boggles my mind that people can be cruel to animals and not think they realize or whatever.

10. Maya spent a lot of the rest of the weekend snuggled on my lap while I knit. She isn't allowed to go outside for 11 days, isn't allowed to play (how in the world do you stop a puppy from running around and playing?) and isn't supposed to go up the stairs for 11 days. Frankly if I knew how to keep her from going up the stairs, I would do it permanently but since I don't, we will just have to hope she doesn't hurt herself too badly when she sneaks up there.

I did a lot of knitting while she was on my lap.These are knit with my Wildflowers yarn.

And below are mystery socks that will have the next clue/part of pattern out on Wednesday and the one after that on the 22nd (I think). I can't wait to knit the rest of the socks. Hopefully I will have them done by my surgery so I can bring them to the hospital.

Who Wants to Do Me?

Construction and detours are awful. The End. Just kidding.

The only notable thing about my appointment yesterday (besides the stupid construction and detours that almost made me late despite leaving one and a half hours before my appointment) was when I went to the lab to get my blood work done. The lab was empty of patients but there were a bunch of technicians just standing around waiting for a patient. When the front desk woman finished my paperwork, she told me to go in the back and choose a technician. The funny part was when I walked back and said "so who wants to do me?" Then I laughed. I hadn't exactly meant it to come out like that but because it did, it cracked me up. I laugh at my own unintentional jokes a lot. It's a personality quirk I guess.

The only other person who laughed or even got why it was funny was the one male technician. He did not get to do me though because a pregnant woman grabbed my paperwork and pulled me towards the chair. I have never had a pregnant woman do me before. On the one hand I am being silly with the way I worded that, but on the other hand, I am being serious about never having my blood drawn by a pregnant woman. I was surprised that when she put my arm in the position she wanted it in, it was touching her pregnant stomach. I felt her baby kick while she was drawing my blood. That was sort of weird. Nothing else notable happened and I drove home in the horrible construction again.

My doctor said if the blood work comes back the way we want it to, I will not need a radioactive scan or even any thyrogen and thyrogen blood work this year. Thank goodness! I will need an ultrasound in March or April and then an appointment next July and that is all. That is all if the blood work comes back the way it is supposed to. I have faith that it will because I think this will all be fine. One problem at a time for me, and right now that is the re hysterectomy thing. Oh, the one other notable thing from my appointment was that according to my chart, I have lost 5 pounds since my visit last year. 5 pounds doesn't sound like a lot, but I guess on someone my size it is a bigger deal than I would think. My doctor told me to eat lots of cookies and that if I have lost weight next year, we will have to talk. I'll make sure that doesn't happen. I'm sure it is just because I am nervous about the surgery and have been so busy with the new business stuff. (Had to sneak that in one more time, right?)

Fireworks and Yarn

I don't talk about my 11 year old daughter much here now. That isn't because I don't love her or because she doesn't do interesting things. She does tons of things that I'd love to write about but it is because I love her that I don't. Her stories are not mine to tell. I can, however, tell you an incredibly thoughtful thing she did this weekend.

For 4th of July, we always go to my husband's parents house for dinner. His mom invites the entire world over for dinner and we hang out and have a great time. When it gets dark out, we go to the park that is literally in their backyard and watch the fireworks that the village does. From their park, you can see several different towns' fireworks and it is just the best place I have ever been to see fireworks. We brought Maya this year and she actually did fine with it all which surprised me.

Since my mother in law invites tons of people for dinner, you just never know who will be there. My 11 year old wanted to make 4th of July bracelets for everyone. Since she wasn't sure how many people there would be, she made tons of extras. Then she decided that she should make something for the boys/men too. She made key chains. She spent hours working on them and they turned out great.





The girls begged me to do their nails in patriotic colors. I didn't have a very good blue color, but I did the best I could with what we had. The pictures aren't turning out great but in real life they looked pretty cool.


Remember when I told you about my new business?





Here it is. If you click on the link, you can see all the yarn I have been working on. It is crazy that the amount of work I have done seems like nothing if you go by the amount of product I actually have available to sell. Hopefully I will be adding more things before my surgery on the 28th.

Today I have a doctor appointment. That's totally shocking right? Because I never go to the doctor (sarcasm). I don't think I ever updated you on my chest CT weeks ago (months?). It was stable. The stuff is still there, but no changes. That is great news. Today is just my endocrinologist appointment. I'm sure there will be tons of blood work, but otherwise, I have no idea. I don't think I need a radioactive scan this year but if I do it will be problematic. I usually schedule them for the summer because it isn't safe for my kids (or anyone) to be around me when I am radioactive but because of my surgery I wouldn't be able to do that this summer. I am just going to cross my fingers that he says no radioactive scan this year and maybe just an ultrasound or something at some point. I think if my blood work comes back with no cancer marker stuff then I should be safe. I'll let you know. In the meantime, go check out my yarn. You don't have to buy anything, but at least go look at it! The only sad part is that I don't want to sell any of it! I want to keep everything for myself!