radioactive girl

Zombie-ish

radioactivegirltori@gmail.com (radioactive girl) — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 20:42:00 +0000

After I wrote that last post, I held off as long as I could and then called my doctor again. Turns out she had gotten my results but was figuring out what to do with them. That is fine, let me make it positively clear that I don't expect a doctor to be super human and I know they sometimes need time to think. What I object to is telling me that they didn't have the results yet. I hate when people tell untruths. Especially when it would have been much easier just to say "yes, the results are here and the doctor is looking them over".

When I talked to her Friday afternoon she told me she already talked to a general surgeon and I should call and make an appointment for Monday (today). It always freaks me out when doctors do that. If it isn't any big deal, why did she set it up so I could get an appointment so fast? I saw the doctor today and was unimpressed. (Unrelated to why I was unimpressed with him: he looked exactly like my neighbor and it was really disconcerting to have a guy who looked and sounds like my neighbor poking around in my armpit when I had my shirt off. Now when I see my friend who is married to the guy he looked like I might have trouble looking her in the eye)

I was unimpressed with him because he was so casual about the whole thing. He did say it wasn't normal but that it wasn't quite big enough for him to worry about it yet. I left feeling perplexed about why I needed to go today and couldn't wait until after my kids winter break. I will follow up with him later (no date or time frame was given) and if he feels it is a problem he "might" do an ultrasound guided biopsy. Whatever. I will process how I feel about this and decide what I will do after Christmas because I don't want to deal with it right now.

This next part is all jumbly because I wrote a big long thing and it somehow disappeared and I am annoyed that I have to rewrite it. I said the other thing the ct scan showed was a thickened part of my colon. No one knows what that means so I have to see a gastroenterologist.

I also said I feel like no one is hearing me about the screaming concern in my head, the weight loss. I have lost more than 10 pounds in less than 5 months. I used to exercise like a crazy person and now I barely walk on the treadmill so I think maybe the weight loss would be more if you considered that into it. My doctor says I am on the underweight line of her BMI chart but as long as I don't go below, she doesn't think I need to worry about it as long as I am eating normally. I don't have the patience or energy to figure out what to do about this either so I will wait until after Christmas to think about it.

Besides all of this I had a great weekend. My son and I got haircuts. I have been having this weird thing where even after I flat iron my hair it has a strange bump that won't go away. My hair girl said "maybe it is trying to be curly again". Sure enough, she was right. I feel like I look sick in this picture (ill, not sick in the good way my kids use it in) but I will post it anyway since I like how she did my hair. I think maybe my daughter was too close to me and the flash made me look zombie-ish because I definitely don't look like that in person (I hope!)

We baked 6 different kinds of cookies on Sunday. As much as I love baking, I was happy when we were done and I could sit down!

I also finished all the teacher presents before school ended on Friday. Hooray!
If you look at the one mitten sideways it says "Be Safe". Her teacher is into Twilight so I thought she would like it. She did. My daughter told me she went crazy showing it to everyone who walked in the class.

If I don't post again before the end of the year, which is likely since we are so busy in the next few days, I hope you have a very happy holiday season!

Frustrated

radioactivegirltori@gmail.com (radioactive girl) — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 14:56:00 +0000

I wish I had some news about the CT scan I had on Monday but I am still waiting for my doctor to call. I am on the fence about this new doctor and here is why: When I get any kind of scan or bloodwork I always ask them to mail me a copy so I can put it in my file. I see so many doctors that it isn't possible for them to send it to each one, and I also have no idea which doctor would want to see what. If I just get a copy and put it in my notebook I will always have it if a doctor wants to see it. I got my copy of the scan report on Wednesday. Thursday when I hadn't heard anything from my doctor yet, I called. The receptionist told me they didn't have the results yet. What? I didn't outright call the lady a liar, but I did mention that the guy told me they should have the results by Tuesday morning. She said she would call when they got them.

Since I got a copy of the report, I read it. I don't think I have ever gotten a copy of a report before I had talked to the doctor. Since I am not a doctor I can't really read it. I mean I can read it and I understand all the words, understand what the abnormalities mean in general but not what they mean for me as far as more tests etc. I think I know what is next, but it would be pretty darn awesome if my doctor could give me a call and let me know her plan for me. I am not going to go all crazy trying to rush but sometimes things need to be done quickly or you die. That isn't the case here (shouldn't be anyway) but if I can't trust her to call me with results, how do I know I could trust her if it was important that things be done quickly? I sort of trust her but do I trust her enough to put my life in her hands? I am all for being nice and patient but I sure don't want to be one of those people who finds out if they had done something sooner they would be fine but since their doctor waited they will suffer the consequences. (Again let me stress that this is not the case here, nothing awful should come of this, but I am just saying in general).

The hospital this doctor uses is a new one to me. I have heard not so great things about it. (This next part is related if you follow the way my brain works) When my kids got their teacher letters before school started, the teacher they got was one I had heard not so great things about. I always tell my kids that you can not rely on what other people say because it just might not be true. We talk about how rumors get started and how things get way out of control so the stuff being said may not even be close to true. I always tell them they need to judge things for themselves and not have any kind of expectations. Because of this we discovered that although we were nervous about this particular teacher (and I actually secretly wished I could switch them out before school started), she is actually one of my favorites.

I am delaying judgement of this new hospital but I have a bad feeling about it. The people there were super nice but when I got the scan results it is sort of vague about the lymph nodes. They didn't measure them, just stated that they are there. Why did I go for a scan then? Why did I expose myself to radiation to get confirmation of something I already knew was there? Why am I going to pay tons of money for this scan that didn't answer any questions or give us any new information? Also, the rest of the scan notes say that their ability to read the scan was "extremely limited due to lack of retroperitoneal fat". So basically my scan was of no use? These are things I would love to ask my doctor if only she would call.

One funny thing about this is that when I got home from the scan I was home about 5 minutes before the kids' bus would come. I flipped on the news. The big story? How CT scans are more dangerous than previously thought and give off more radiation than they thought. Nice.

Anyway, I am not all cranky like this post makes me sound. I am just frustrated that medical things move so slowly. I can understand when tests take a long time or there is a wait before you can get in to see a doctor or have a test but when the doctor has the results and waits several days to give them to you? Not acceptable. I still don't have the results, still haven't talked to my doctor and tomorrow is Saturday so I am guessing I will be waiting until next week. If they had said the doctor hadn't had a chance to review them yet I would be fine with waiting but they said they hadn't gotten them yet. The woman told me she would call the hospital right after she got off the phone with me to track them down. Obviously since no one called me yesterday she did not do that.

I am going to try and forget about it for the weekend and then call again Monday and see what is going on. Tonight I have a cookie exchange and need to bake a bunch of cookies sometime today. I haven't yet decided what kind of cookies to make and I don't have time to go to the store (kids' school stuff going on all day) so hopefully I can figure out some kind of fast yummy cookie that only uses ingredients I have already.

Exploring Caves

radioactivegirltori@gmail.com (radioactive girl) — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 14:29:00 +0000

Last night I drank one container of the barium. One more to go this afternoon and then the scan. But I don't want to dwell on the stupid scan, so moving along....

First of all, if anyone wants to make an 11 year old girl very happy for the holidays, you can go to her shop and buy a little something. I am not beyond begging here. Surely someone has an extra few dollars to spend on a good cause. Her school is raising money for Play Pumps and she started an etsy site to help raise money because she loves making jewelry. Unfortunately, no one has even bought one thing yet and she is getting bummed out about that. She has sold some stuff to people in person, but is dying to make a sale online so she can send something out like I do with my yarn. If anyone doesn't know what to get me for Christmas, buy something from her and that will make me happier than anything (I am totally kidding, I don't expect anyone to buy me anything but please check out her site if you get a chance).

This weekend we were busy. I say that every weekend but it is true. Saturday morning my two 9 year olds were caroling at a nursing home with their school. When that was over, we brought one extra boy home with us because his parents were going out of town and he was spending the weekend with us. My husband has been dying to go to a cave near our house so we decided that would be a fun trip for the afternoon. It was over 2 and a half hours to get there. It was fine though, the kids were great in the car playing "add on to the story" and other games like that. I don't have a tv in my car or anything so they have to entertain themselves like in the old days.

The cave was beautiful. After the kids saw this, they picked up a bunch of the little brochures and started planning our trip to more caves. We'll see if we end up going to all of them, but some of them are sort of on the way to my parents house in New York so if we go this summer like we planned, we might be able to stop on the way.

My little man is touching the piece they sacrificed so that everyone could touch it. If they didn't designate one, people would probably touch (and ruin) many parts of the cave so they chose one spot towards the beginning that everyone was allowed to touch so hopefully they could not be so tempted to touch anything else.

My crappy pictures really don't do it justice at all.

When we got home we ate dinner. Somehow the topic of what nationality their friend was came up. He said he was part Danish and one of my kids said "part donut?" and everyone cracked up. Then my little man declared he was part "Penguish" (penguin) and that Maya was part monkey. We all got a little silly and giggly and I am sure it is because of the long car ride and long day.

Sunday we went sledding. It was the perfect day for it, warm but not too warm. We had a great time even though I accidentally told my 9 year old son "you suck" when he took me over a ramp when we were together on the sled. He laughed that I said that but seriously? I am way too old to be going over ramps in a sled!

Today is my scan so I will keep you posted on how it goes. The barium last night wasn't completely awful but I think in general I am just getting better at doing unpleasant things without thinking about it too much. The barium had a weird artificial coconut taste to it that I could have done without. The aftertaste was awful and tasted metallic. I had the awful taste in my mouth until I went to bed. My husband says it tasted metallic to me because barium is metal. Hopefully the one I drink this afternoon will go down quickly and then I will be done drinking it, hopefully forever!

I Swear these Thoughts are Related

radioactivegirltori@gmail.com (radioactive girl) — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 14:27:00 +0000

When I was little I had to drink barium for some test. My mom warned me that it would taste sort of yucky but that I had to drink it. I thought I would be fine. I was about 5 I think. I tried really hard to drink it but I just kept gagging and couldn't do it. After they had let me try for a while, my mom's old medical school lab partner (who was the doctor doing the test) had to hold me down and put a tube up my nose to get it in me. It was one of the worst experiences I have ever had. You would think that if it was through a tube down my nose into my stomach that at least I wouldn't taste/feel it. You would be wrong if you thought that. I still had to swallow it, it was just at the back of my throat and would drown me if I didn't swallow it. I will never forget the taste and feeling of that barium drink.

When I was first dating my husband, he wanted to take me to a place that he swore had the most delicious Green Rivers milk shakes. I had no idea what Green Rivers was and spent the whole 2 hour drive quizzing him about the flavor. He just kept saying he couldn't describe it but it was the best thing in the world. When we got there, he ordered me a large shake. I took one sip and almost threw up. To me it tasted exactly like the barium drink I had to drink when I was little. The texture wasn't quite as awful but since it was a thick milkshake it was pretty close. I felt horrible that his special treat was something I hated so I didn't tell my husband what it reminded me of. I also didn't drink it. He didn't notice and I don't think I told him until years later, when we both laughed about it.

Yesterday I went to the doctor. I have been having some weird stuff go on and I thought she should check it out. I was nervous because this is a new doctor, I had to switch primary care physicians which to me is very stressful. I met her in October and loved her, but haven't been to her with anything yet so had no idea how she would respond to things. I had no idea if she was an over tester who gets all freaked out, a laid back person who lets things slide, or the kind of doctor I want, which is someone who isn't overly freaked out but is cautiously safe since I have a history of strange things.

I explained my issues and she reacted exactly how I wanted her to. She really couldn't have been more perfect if I had given her a script. I have a really strange backache that feels exactly like when I had the giant ovarian cyst a few years ago. Except I don't have an ovary there anymore. I have this weird cough that is only sometimes there. It feels like I have crap in my chest but when I cough, nothing comes out. It makes me sort of wheeze at times but most of the time it is fine. The day before Halloween I found what I think (and my doctor agrees) is a swollen lymph node in my armpit. I kind of forgot about it because we had the swine flu going on around here at that time and I was busy. When I checked again at the end of November, there were two swollen lymph nodes.

Maybe for a normal person these things would be more of a "wait and see" but the reason I had been putting off making the appointment in the first place is because I know that whenever I go to the doctor, probably for the rest of my life, nothing will ever be a "wait and see" kind of thing. Stupid cancer ruins that for a person because little things can never be taken lightly ever again. I am not really in the mood for more health drama so I avoided the doctor for these things until I realized how irresponsible that was and made the appointment.

My doctor thinks the backache may be kidney stones. She said that would explain why sometimes the pain is barely there and sometimes it hurts so bad I am almost crying and feel like I am going to puke. She said the chest thing could be an asthma type thing...but because of those unexplained "things" on my previous CT scans that we have been following we can't just ignore this.

After talking about our options, we finally decided she would order a chest, abdominal and pelvic CT. If it is kidney stones, they would show up (I totally embarrassed myself when I meant to say "would those show up on a CT?" but actually said "and that would show those up?" I felt like I sounded really dumb when I worded it that way!) But yes, they would show up if that was the problem. She figures this way we can see if anything is going on anywhere near any areas that are bothering me. We can also see if there are more swollen lymph nodes anywhere else in my body. After we get the results, she will send me to a surgeon to figure out what to do about the two lymph nodes. She warned me that they are going to want to take them out. I asked about a needle biopsy and she said they usually want the whole thing, especially with someone who has had cancer before, just so they don't get a false negative. I asked about being awake when they do it so it doesn't have to be such a big deal and she sort of told me to wait and see what we end up finding, but also said she didn't think they were positioned well in my armpit for them to be able to numb me well enough to do that.

So how does this relate to the other 2 stories? Well, when I called to make the CT appointment, the lady told me that I would need to pick up 2 bottles of stuff to drink. I would drink one bottle 24 hours before the scan and then the other one 1 hour before. Guess what the stuff is? Barium!

I haven't made the appointment yet because we are waiting for precertification codes from my insurance but I am hoping I can get it done either next Monday or Tuesday. If not, I will have to wait until the week my kids are off for winter break, which I am really hoping to avoid. So, think good thoughts that one of the two places I can go for the scan has an appointment available on either Monday or Tuesday at 1:30. It has to be exactly at 1:30 because then if I am taken on time and the scan takes 1 hour or less, I will have time to put my son on the bus and also be home in time to get the kids off the bus. Oh and also cross your fingers that my husband has a chance to pick up those bottles of yuck for me before the snowstorm hits us today. (The hospital is near where he will be today and also is a little more than 45 minutes from our house. If I went to pick it up I would have to drag my son today or bring my daycare kids tomorrow, Thursday, or Friday. That isn't ideal and since he will be right there today, it should work out perfectly...unless the snowstorm comes and he doesn't end up going to the one meeting he is planning on going to).

And one more thing...my kids would appreciate it if you would think good thoughts for a snow day tomorrow. I don't care either way on that one and would sort of rather save the snow day for later when we aren't about to have a bunch of days off for winter break. They have to make it up at the end of the year anyway, so I'd rather have a snow day in February or something when we actually need a break, not when we are about to have one anyway.

6 Things

radioactivegirltori@gmail.com (radioactive girl) — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 17:28:00 +0000

1. Yesterday was my anniversary. We have been married 14 years! We agreed on no presents. I made him bread bowls and soup for dinner (he loves bread bowls and this was sort of a special thing for me to do since I don't like them) and he gave me a note saying we are going to go away for a weekend and take snowboarding lessons together. I think maybe he forgot the no present thing? Either way that is pretty cool and I can't wait!

2. 3 of my kids had the reward breakfast at school this morning. Every month the school has a character trait and they reward one child from every class with a special breakfast. Last month my kindergarten son got it for "Individuality" which was perfect. Today my 3 older kids got it for "Cooperation". The breakfast was fun...I had 4 extra kids with me! I had my daycare kids and then I sort of forgot that I normally watch a friend's son on Thursday mornings. Both moms met me there with their kids because I don't have room in my car for 8 kids. Luckily, after the breakfast the school aged kids stay so I only went home with 3 kids.

3. Last night my daycare kids and I were talking about the reward breakfast and they were saying they felt bad for the 2 year old because he can't get it because he doesn't go to school. They decided that every month I will make a certificate and tell him what he is getting it for. They said this month he should get it for "Good Napping" because he almost always takes a nice nap. I love that they were thinking of him and are so excited to work on the certificate today after school.

4. My daughter is in a student council type thing at school (she won the election and I am super proud). This month they are working on a way to "give back". It was very open ended, the teacher in charge wants the kids to be responsible for the entire thing with her there to just guide and offer assistance with little things. They were each supposed to write a list of things they thought would be good ideas and then they will talk about them and decide together which they will follow through with and do. One of my daughter's ideas made me so happy (well, all of them, but one in particular). Her idea is to choose a soldier, make one card for him/her that they all sign and then make tons of blank cards for the soldiers to send home to their families. She worked really hard on this idea, planning tons of things having to do with it. I hope they choose this one! It is virtually free, they would just have everyone at school make cards and set up some kind of drop box where they could drop them off. On a certain cutoff date, they would gather them up and mail them to the soldier. She realizes it is probably too late to make holiday cards, but there are always birthdays, valentines day, etc. Soldiers can't just go out and buy a card while they are away and I love that she thought of this!

5. I am really enjoying watching the daycare kids I am watching right now. They are just such good fun kids. They are just so much fun to hang out with and play with. Often I think I should be paying their parents because I am just having so much fun with them. I think it is because I am enjoying this so much that I had a weird dream last night. I dreamed that I was pregnant. With 4 babies. And in the dream, just as in reality I could not physically have any more babies. In the dream people just kept saying over and over "it's a miracle". And then in the dream I started crying. I was very excited about having 4 babies but I was afraid I wouldn't be able to handle it and just kept talking about how "having twins almost killed me because it was so hard". While I would love another baby in real life, I would not so much like 4 at once!

6. It's snowing right now. I love how beautiful snow is even though I really really dislike cold weather. I can not wait to take Maya out in the snow at the bus stop. She has never seen snow and I can't wait to see what she does!

Crack Me Up

radioactivegirltori@gmail.com (radioactive girl) — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 16:02:00 +0000

Thanksgiving was great. Exhausting, but great. My husband says I am allergic to my brother though. I haven't seen my brother in 4 years. He was staying with us right when I was finding out I had cancer. He didn't know at the time, but it sticks in my head for obvious reasons. The first night he was here I was up all night puking for some unknown reason. The next morning, I slept late and then felt fine. It was a mystery, but once I found out I had cancer, I figured it was something to do with that and didn't think of it again...until this past week.

Thanksgiving morning I woke up with knots in my stomach. I had no idea why. All day I barely ate anything because my stomach just didn't feel right. Towards the end of the day I ate a little bit, thinking it would settle my stomach and that maybe it hurt because I was hungry. I went to bed early, as soon as everyone left (I think around 10, which is my normal time to go to bed but not normal when we have sleepover company I haven't seen in 4 years and would like to spend time with!) I was up all night puking. I finally fell asleep and when I woke up the next morning, I felt fine. The only logical connection is that I must be allergic to my brother. (Kidding!)

Today my 5 year old and I are baking cookies. We have been dying to make more cookies at our island so even though we probably have plenty of cookies in the house right now, we decided to make some more. I can always freeze them for Christmas or gifts I guess.

When I make cookies, I usually get the eggs out of the refrigerator at the beginning. I read somewhere a long time ago that it is better to put almost room temperature eggs in than straight from the fridge. I always put the eggs under the mixing bowl. That has always worked out just fine. Today we were making peanut butter cookies. There is honey in the recipe. I stopped the mixer to add the honey. The measuring cup wouldn't fit while the mixer was raised. I said to my son "this is going to be messy" meaning the honey would be messy because it is so sticky. As I said that, I lowered the mixing bowl and crushed the eggs.
We both laughed so hard that we could barely breathe. Then I said "that really cracked me up". I didn't even think of the pun until my son immediately said "get it? cracked us up?"

Happy Thanksgiving

radioactivegirltori@gmail.com (radioactive girl) — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 15:13:00 +0000

My computer died, we are super busy, and I have a lot of cooking to do. We will soon have a million people staying with us (exaggerating slightly, obviously). Despite all of that, I am thankful for so many things. I am thankful for my friends (thank you for stopping by Kim and Steven, it was such a great break for me with all the chores I was doing, and my daughter loved talking to you! My other daughter was mad at me for not calling her in when you were here. She didn't believe me that you already were here until I showed her the cookies, which by the way were awesome and a great treat! My youngest has eaten all the butterscotch ones and I may need the recipe since they were such a hit! And Maya misses Steven...next time she is all wild and out of control I am going to call him over to calm her down), my family, and am thankful that I am so busy because it means I have a lot of people in my life who want to spend time with me. Sometimes it feels stressful, but the love makes it all worth it.

Last night my daughter had a sleepover with 2 of her friends. They were very funny. My oldest and I were watching the music awards and they kept "spying" on us from upstairs. I told them many times that they could come down and watch with us but that wouldn't have been nearly as much fun as the spying was. Later I told them they would make terrible spies since they giggled so much and we totally knew they were there. I started calling them the giggle girls and we all laughed our heads off. Everyone finally settled down and we went to bed.

Today we will be dropping off another soldier package at the post office. My oldest asked me last night how many soldiers we are going to send things to. I think she is tired of writing letters for me to include in the boxes. I reminded her that she didn't have to include letters from herself, I could just continue it on my own and include letters from whatever kid wanted to help each time. I showed her the website, reminded her that there are tons more soldiers that did not sign up there and then asked her how many she thinks we should send things to. For me (and I am not judging anyone who doesn't feel this way) if I can, I should. I can so I do. And I am thankful that I can.

Happy Thanksgiving. I hope yours is as filled with love and family as mine is. Hopefully my new computer (pink!) will be here soon so I can get back to reading more and not have to sneak it in when my daughter isn't using her computer! If any of this makes no sense, it is because I have been constantly interrupted while writing this because my kids have no school today. I was going to try and read it over to make sure it makes sense but I give up. Happy Thanksgiving!

Tooth Holes

radioactivegirltori@gmail.com (radioactive girl) — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 20:22:00 +0000

Kids are really funny sometimes. Especially when they don't mean to be.

I am pretty sure I have mentioned before that I never really had any loose teeth because I got most of them pulled. I think that is why whenever any of my kids has a loose tooth I beg them to let me wiggle them. (My oldest lost her last baby tooth the other day and I almost cried) I don't find their loose teeth gross, I don't really think anything of wiggling their teeth with clean hands. They don't like it though so I rarely get to wiggle them. My youngest is completely grossed out by loose teeth and has told me that when he gets a loose tooth he is not going to wiggle it at all, he will just wait until it falls out. He doesn't even care about the tooth fairy money, he would prefer if they just all stayed in and never fell out.

Today my daycare kid lost a tooth. She has been playing with it all week, I have had to remind her several times that it isn't polite at the table and it finally fell out. And I was totally grossed out. When she was wiggling her tooth and pulled it out, I literally felt sick to my stomach. My son described his feelings about this with this: "it's just that I have very sensitive eyes and when I see things like that it makes my tummy so sick I feel like I'm gonna puke". I felt the same way.

Obviously I took care of it and did my best not to gag and make her feel like she did something wrong. I congratulated her on losing a tooth and put it in a safe place so she can show it to her mom when she picks her up. Later, when we were waiting for the bus to come, I was telling her about when my 9 year old daughter lost her first tooth. She (my daycare girl) loves to hear my stories from when I was little (because she is so much like I was, not a girly girl and sort of into bugs and stuff) and also loves to hear stories about my older kids when they were younger. When we were talking about the lost tooth, she said something about how she lost one of her loose teeth but the tooth fairy still came anyway. That made me think about how my oldest also lost a few teeth...lost lost them, not just that they fell out. After I thought about that, I thought about the first tooth my now 9 year old daughter lost (fell out, not lost lost).

She was in bed with her wiggly tooth. I kissed her goodnight and went downstairs to clean up. A few minutes later I heard her screaming like she was dying and ran up to see what was going on. She had lost her tooth (fell out, not lost lost). She was extremely upset, like out of her mind upset about it. She was holding her tooth and when I finally calmed her down enough to tell me what was upsetting her she said this: "my tooth fell out and now there is a hole because the next tooth isn't there. I can't drink anything until my tooth comes in and I am really thirsty". I had no idea what she was talking about so I gently asked for clarification. She then explained that there is a "tooth hole and the tooth hole goes up to my brain and if I drink water the water will go up the tooth hole and I will die". I have no idea where she got that from but I had to talk to her for hours before she believed me that this would not in fact happen and that the hole did not go up to her brain and that drinking water would be just fine.

She is the same girl who at the age of less than 2 freaked out one day and made me take the crib (the "cage") out of her room. She slept in the hallway on a mattress for months...actually until we moved because I remember when our house was for sale every morning I had to move the mattress back on the bed in her room so people looking at our house would not think we were insane or torturing our children or something. She then proceeded to sleep walk every night for several months and end up all over the house. My husband once almost stepped on her because she had fallen back asleep outside our bedroom door. When she started sleepwalking we put several extra locks on our doors to outside because we were afraid she would end up in the street or at the park or something.

My youngest also sleep walked (slept walked? what is the right way to phrase that? sleep walked sounds wrong but slept walked sounds even more wrong) but he had night terrors as well. I got used to them and forgot how abnormal they were until we had a friend over and I was calmly continuing to play whatever game we were playing holding a freaking out screaming and kicking sleeping child who kept punching me and yelling that he wanted his mommy and that I should put him down because I was not his mommy. I think our childless friend may never have kids because of how traumatic he (the friend) found the whole experience.

Anyway, this post is all over the place. Moral of the story: My kids are strange and they got it from me, I am sure.

Blue Screens and Islands

radioactivegirltori@gmail.com (radioactive girl) — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 20:36:00 +0000

Waking up to find the blue screen of death on your computer is awesome. Well, if by awesome you mean it is horrible and makes you feel all jittery to realize what you have lost then it is.

We sent our package to a soldier. We got an email which made all the kids (and me!) super happy. Obviously we never expect a reply and this is only the second one we have ever gotten after all the packages we have sent. That is totally fine but it is super exciting to get an email to let you know the person got it and to make more of a personal connection. Our soldier sent us some pictures. I printed out 2 of them and hung them up in the kitchen. I was planning to print the rest later because I could do it whenever I wanted to, there was no rush. Now they are gone. I lost his email address, all of my email addresses, etc. (Yes, I realize I should have backed it all up...no lectures please, I feel bad enough!)

Right now I am using my daughter's computer (the one with the dyslexia/dysgraphia). She needs the computer for homework and will be home in a short while so I am trying to hurry. If this doesn't make sense it is because I am rushed and super busy right now. I am also addicted to the computer. I realized that when I felt how upset I was without mine.

Other things I have been up to:

1. I passed my DCFS inspection today and should have my renewed license in a few weeks. The lady was very nice and at the end she said "I can tell you are really good with kids. I can tell by how you treat your son and your answers to my questions". That made me feel really good to hear.

2. They finally put the counter top on our island. It has been several weeks with naked cabinets that are sort of useless. I couldn't use them yet because I knew when they put on the counter they would make a mess (I was right) and it was sort of in the way. It looks great, even better than the pictures. I was sort of annoyed about the seam in the middle when they originally told me it would all be one piece but at this point I am so happy it is in before Thanksgiving that I will accept it.
It looks great but there won't be any more cartwheels or jump rope in the kitchen which is kind of a bummer.

Also, the shelves in the cabinets are attached with the strangest clips I have ever seen. I can not seem to move the shelves. I hate to admit how dumb I am but I really can't figure them out. They have this clip you have to squeeze and then pull the shelf up. Except there are 4 clips and if you let the shelf slip back down onto one after you release it, it snaps back in. How can I get all four unclipped while also holding the dumb shelf up high enough that they don't snap back in? I got one out but then can't get it back in. Possibly I am stupid or making this more difficult than it has to be. They can't possibly be as difficult as they seem but I can't figure out any other way to try. Instead of asking someone in real life (because that would be embarrassing to admit I can't figure them out) I am telling the entire world. Because that makes a lot of sense. But I will have to ask someone soon so I can get things organized before Thanksgiving.

3. Speaking of accepting things when you probably shouldn't, I have mentioned my leaking dishwasher several times before. Guess what? It still leaks. I was about to just buy a new dishwasher even though this one is not very old at all...it is the second dishwasher we have bought since we lived in our less than 6 year old house. I called the company and demanded that they replace it. I kind of thought I was offering my high offer and then would come down to whatever they said they would give me for it. They are going to give me a huge credit and let me choose a new dishwasher. Hooray!

4. The dishwasher guy was super nice. He told me his entire life story while he was waiting for his boss to approve things. People tend to do that a lot with me. I hope that means I am easy to confide in.

5. I am freaking out that Thanksgiving is next week and I haven't even figured out what we are having. Normally I have a list and am all set. Lately I have been sort of disorganized and much more relaxed about things. That is good (the relaxed thing) except I really need to get planning or we will end up with a houseful of people and nothing to serve them! Well, probably we would have some cookies and that would make a fine Thanksgiving meal, right?

6. We got new blinds on two windows. My husband's cousin owns the store and came and installed them for us. He left the bubble wrap and the kids have been having a wonderful time popping it all. Maya freaks out and hides in the place she hides when she thinks she is in trouble. It isn't funny, but it sort of is.

Introspection and Manners

radioactivegirltori@gmail.com (radioactive girl) — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 20:03:00 +0000

Why do I never believe people will remember me? Why do I always think I make so little of an impression that people couldn't possibly even realize I exist? Why do I always doubt myself over everything and feel like people are just waiting for me to screw up?

I have been thinking a lot about that ever since I read an email from my twins' teacher. She went on and on gushing over how awesome she thinks I am. She named several things I have done for the class and for her personally and was very thankful. So why, when I read that, do I think inside my head "right but if she really knew me she wouldn't like me so much". Or "she only likes me so much because of the things I have done". Why do I think that is true? Why do I always think much less of myself than other people do? I don't think it is low self esteem because when I think about myself I think I am a pretty awesome person. I can name tons of strengths and tons of good things I do. But when I think of other people thinking of me I think much more negatively. It's like I expect people to not be nice and think the worst of me or even get things completely wrong about me. It's like I am wanting to apologize or at least be ready to before something happens just in case. In case of what???? What do I think will happen????

I think I need to be nicer to myself and think of others thinking of me like they do and not how I think they would. I think it has a lot to do with the way I was raised and the fact that nothing was ever good enough. (It still isn't actually, no matter what I say there is always the message that there is something else I should have done instead and what I hear is "you suck as a human you don't know how to be right" What is right? Is there normally a right way to do something? Just because the way I would do something is different than what that person would choose, why do I think my way is "wrong" and theirs is "right"?)

No matter what I did growing up there was always a backhanded compliment. Something like "that was great, but..." and then the negative about whatever it was or what I could have done differently. That isn't a very nice way to parent (or to treat other people in general). I know this, and because of this I try really hard to never do that to my kids (or anyone). I try (and think I succeed) in making my kids (and friends) know I love them no matter what they do, who they are, or anything. I think they know I love them just because they exist and that although I may not love some things they do, that never changes what I think of them, the person.

This is a boring/introspective post so I will tell you something my 5 year old has been doing lately that cracks me up. We were outside when I noticed it but when I thought back I realized he has been doing it for weeks (at least). When you ask him something, instead of just saying "yes" or "no", he says "yes, yes it does" or "no, no we didn't". He repeats the yes or no part in a different way after he says it plain. I also noticed recently that he has also taught my daycare kids better manners. When I asked one of them something and the answer was no, he said "a nicer way to say that would be no thank you. In my house we always say no thank you or yes please". Since then, she has been saying it like he told her to. Maybe I should have him be a parenting coach? Or teach a manners class?

Random (and boring?)

radioactivegirltori@gmail.com (radioactive girl) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 14:35:00 +0000

1. This is the stack of homework my 9 year old son had to do to make up the work he missed when he was sick all last week with the swine flu. (Can you read that note from his teacher? Super adorable!) Oh and yes my twins are in the same classroom and no I do not want to hear why that is wrong. It is right for my family and my kids and that is what I know.

I felt like I was being punished with all that homework! I was stressed out and cranky because in addition to taking care of sick kids (my 9 year old daughter stayed home one day because of an awful headache and my 5 year old son didn't go back to school until Wednesday) I had to make him do all that homework. Of course since he hadn't learned how to do any of it because he hadn't been at school I had to teach him the lessons first without any kind of guide as to how they would teach it at school. I was so thankful when we were done yesterday! I would not make a good homeschooler because the thought of all I need to get done stresses me out. As a perfect example, I am homeschooling my kids in religion (with the church curriculum) and since we have the entire years worth of work at the beginning, I make my kids work on it so much to get through it that we finish about half way through the year. I hate to have things hanging over my head and I always finish all my chores before I will let myself relax. That also pertains to school type stuff if I have the ability to work ahead.

2. I made a few sales at my shop which was a very nice way to cheer me up.

3. We packed up some boxes for soldiers.

4. I went to the grocery store and have a story about that but I don't want to share it because I feel like it makes me sound like I am patting myself on the back for something nice I did that I feel is no big deal or is something everyone would/should have done. I want to know what other people would have done in the same situation since people went sort of crazy about how generous I was for doing something I really don't think was that generous, but I don't want to post a "I'm such an awesome person" post which is how it comes off sounding. My husband would have done the same thing I did, but his reason for doing it is so different it seems like it means something totally different about him and then I wonder what other people would have done and why. I did love that it happened in front of my 11 year old daughter because I think it is way easier to teach kids to be good people by example than with words.

5. I "crocheted" this bag. In quotes because I actually don't know how to crochet for real. I mean now I do, but when my 11 year old daughter asked me to teach her I had no idea. I took the leftover square scraps from when I was trying to learn and put them together to make this bag. No idea what I will do with it, but I LOVE it. It isn't "right" but who cares.

6. We also went to the circus over the weekend. My mom bought us the tickets for my husband's birthday. I have mixed feelings about the circus but we did have a good time. The funniest part was that when we got there, my 5 year old started crying and said he didn't want to go. I finally figured out that he had no idea what to expect and he really hates that (as do I). We got a little program booklet and looked through it and he said he still didn't want to be there. After it was over he said "I didn't want to be here, but I did like it". He is so funny and doesn't even mean to be. I was so nervous for the performers the entire time that I sort of didn't enjoy it. Is this a mom thing? Because I never remember being so worried about them before!

7. I feel very boring lately. I have all these stories and then as soon as I sit down to write them out, I completely forget what I was going to tell you. So instead of what I want to write since I can't remember, you get these lame updates today. Everyone is back at school today and everyone (but me) is healthy so hopefully soon I will be feeling back to normal and be able to remember things.

8. I have some weird cold that is giving me low fevers. I dislike this for two reasons. Reason number one is that (obviously) having a cold constantly kind of sucks. Number two (ha...number two) is that right before my thyroid cancer was diagnosed I had all these colds that ran into each other (just like this) and was stuffy, lost my voice and had a low fever for a long time. This is exactly what it was like and now that I have had a cold for almost a month I am getting a little tiny bit worried. I am sure it is nothing, I really am, but it is just so similar to what happened before that I worry. Call me paranoid, which I hope I am, but it just doesn't feel right. Obviously if it doesn't get better soon I will call my doctor. I just hate to be a hypochondriac so I am waiting.

One last thing. I was talking to someone recently who said something about how cancer is something a person makes or causes themselves because they have something to work out (or something like that). I just want to say for the record that I think that is bullshit. And as much as I believe in karma, I do not believe that people get cancer because of something bad they have done. That would just be stupid. Even if I did something horrible to deserve this what could my kids have done to deserve having to deal with that? I just don't believe it is true. (And also for the record I can't think of anything awful I have done anyway).

At Least I Don't Have to Find the Swine Flu Vaccine Now

radioactivegirltori@gmail.com (radioactive girl) — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 17:55:00 +0000

So, as the title implies, my two boys have the swine flu. My 5 year old had the rapid test last Thursday which was negative but it was a false negative because the longer test showed it to be positive. My 9 year old son went to the doctor today and had the rapid test, which was positive. My thoughts? Well, I knew they were really sick so at least I am happy that I now do not have to try and find that swine flu vaccine. I'm sure my girls will either get it soon or I won't worry about getting them the vaccine anyway because they are so close with their brothers that if they don't catch it from them, I can't imagine them catching it from anyone else. There isn't anything to do for the flu besides rest and tylenol/motrin. It feels sort of yucky to be the mom watching your kids be so sick and know there is nothing you can do to make them better. Fevers of 104.8 are scary, even when I know the boys take after me and tend towards high fevers in general.

Because my youngest couldn't go trick or treating over the weekend (I sent my 9 year old because he wasn't yet sick and I didn't know he would get sick. He was probably the most contagious kid but I had no idea) the older kids did something special for him. I planted the idea by saying "wouldn't it be awesome to trick or treat inside the house? You wouldn't have to get cold and you would get all the candy you liked and none of the yucky stuff". My older kids went to work decorating their bedroom doors with doorbells and windows.

I was really proud of my kids for making this so much fun for him. They went all crazy giving him treats, pretending they were neighbors who made a big deal about how cute he was in his costume, and generally made the day so fun I think next year he might request to go indoor trick or treating instead.

Maya is worried about the boys. She has been taking turns sitting by each boy while they sleep on each couch. She sits with one boy for a while then moves to the other. When one of them cough, she looks at me like she's mad and barks. I imagined she was yelling at me for not doing anything to make them better. My 11 year old isn't quite as nice with her thoughts as I am and thinks it is because she was annoyed that they were waking her up. Either way, she is a very sweet loving dog to "take care" of them.

Neurotic But Not Quite

radioactivegirltori@gmail.com (radioactive girl) — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 17:55:00 +0000

Watching the daycare kids is going awesome. Except for when one of them comes down with the flu (actual diagnosed flu) and the baby has explosive diarrhea and then my son has a high fever, probably flu too. Today we cancelled them coming because all of those situations occurred yesterday.

Right now I have a sleepy little man who is super pissed off that he is missing his Halloween party at school. It was going to be his first year in the school parade (lame, but to him it looks like the most amazing thing ever and he has been waiting to be in it for 5 whole years). I am trying to explain to him that kids with temperatures of 103.4 after taking Tylenol can not attend the parade but since he is sort of unreasonable with the fever and all, he was stomping around and mad. He fell asleep just now so hopefully he won't remember any of that when he wakes up. He doesn't know yet but I don't think he will be trick or treating tomorrow either. Possibly one house if he stays way back and away from everyone, but I feel like that might make me a horrible mom. If someone else said they were going to do that I would think they were crazy and maybe sort of rude to expose people needlessly just so their kid could be less mad about missing trick or treating.

When I took my son to the doctor yesterday I was actually hoping it was the flu. His test came out negative but the doctor is pretty sure he has the flu anyway. He said the test is not completely accurate and has a chance of false negatives. I was hoping it was the flu because he is sick anyway and hasn't had a flu shot. If he has the flu, he wouldn't need one and I could stop trying to find a place that has his dosage. Plus, since the daycare boy definitely has the flu he was definitely exposed. I can't imagine him getting the flu on top of whatever he has right now if he doesn't have the flu.

The one bright side to this (tons of negatives: he is sick, I missed my kids' performance at school yesterday because my husband is out of town and you can't really find someone to watch a very sick kid while you go see your kids in a play, today I am missing the Halloween parade, etc.) is that he was home when I got the mail yesterday and in the mail was a letter to the parents of him from his school. We opened it up together. It was an invitation to the special Hard Work Award Ceremony because he got an award for "showing individuality". I am so not surprised about that. He is such a cool person, and so different from most kids that it is the perfect award for him.

You know what is funny? When I get a letter like that from school addressed to "The parents Of..." one of my kids I always panic for a second. My heart beats faster and I wonder if they got in trouble for something. That is ridiculous because every teacher they have had has said that each of my kids is the best behaved kid they have and that they would love an entire classroom of each of them. My kids are good kids at school. (Mostly at home too, but not nearly as perfect as they are at school). I guess I always sort of expect something awful whenever any letters come home. I don't know why since it has never happened before and most likely won't in the future. Plus I highly doubt the school would send a horrible letter home without me having some kind of knowledge about whatever bad thing it could be before the letter came. I'm pretty sure the teacher would call or email me and tell me what was going on before a letter was sent home.

(That last paragraph is completely neurotic and is exactly how my brain works. I can turn anything, no matter how unlikely, into something that could happen and then create entire scenarios about what would happen if... I think I may have some kind of problem with living in an imaginary world inside my head or something. I can separate reality from my craziness so I think I am good for now, no help required)

Moral of the story:Sick kids are no fun and also that I am crazy.

P.S. I actually just looked up the word "neurosis" before hitting publish to make absolutely sure that is what I meant. It isn't quite exactly describing the word I mean but close enough that I won't change it. That is definitely another sign of it right there, isn't it?

Stickers Are Cool

radioactivegirltori@gmail.com (radioactive girl) — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 17:47:00 +0000

We are getting an island in our kitchen. I hesitate to post that because people are always all crazy when it comes to stuff like that. But it's true, we are getting an island and I can not wait to make cookies with my kids where there is enough counter space for all of us to be working together.

The only problem I had when the guys were here working was the same as I always have when people are working on anything at my house. What are you supposed to do while they are working? I didn't want to go too far away because they kept asking me questions, but I didn't want to hover because when I am doing something I hate when someone is just sitting and watching. It makes me nervous and more likely to mess up whatever it is I am doing. So I sort of paced around the house. I wanted to sit and watch them install the island, but thought that might be rude so I didn't because I didn't want to bug them.

Today the guy came to measure for the counter (don't even get me started on why they couldn't have ordered the counter and then installed it all together instead of this backwards crazy way we are doing it. I still have no idea why they couldn't just order the counter at the same time but I tried to convince them and there was just no way to do it. So for several weeks we will have a useless island in our way. I put the chairs by it so now my kids think it is hilarious to sit there and "order food". If they act like that for real when the counter is in and they can sit there to eat I will kill them. It's funny when they are pretending but if they were being for real it would be totally rude).

While he was measuring I made bloody eyeballs with my son for my other son's class party later this week. Maybe I just need to find a project each time someone comes to work on something so I can be in the room but not feel like I am hovering? Maybe I should just stop obsessing about this and just do whatever the hell I feel like doing since it is my house? I suppose I don't need to bend over backwards making the installer people feel comfortable since I am paying them to do these things. Plus also they call me Ma'am, which first makes me think of Webster, and then makes me think these hot college looking guys think I am old.

I also helped in my twins' classroom the other day. It was so much fun. I just love being in there and helping. I used to be a Kindergarten teacher, so I guess it makes sense that I love it, but helping certain kids read and do other things they struggle with is just so rewarding. I don't actually get to spend any time with my own kids, but it is just nice to be in there. I do sneak a kiss and hug in several times while I am there. Would you believe that my 9 year old son doesn't mind if I kiss him in front of his friends? I actually asked him before the first time I went in because I wasn't sure. I knew my daughter wouldn't care but I thought he might. He didn't and actually came over to give me a hug when I got there.

My son and I (and the daycare kids) started a "Seasons Book" for each of them. Every Wednesday we will go outside and take a picture of the front yard and the backyard so we can see how the trees/grass/everything changes with the seasons. It is hard to notice things when they happen gradually, but when you flip through the books they will make it is easy to see when things happen, how the seasons are different, and that they actually do change even though from day to day they look about the same to you. I did this with my son a few years ago and he loves to look through the book so I thought the daycare kids might enjoy it too. Plus, we will decorate each page with stickers. Who doesn't love stickers? This year it is super cool that my son can write the dates under the pictures himself. 2 years ago I wrote them and while it is nice to have the dates written, it will be even nicer to have them in his own handwriting.

I feel like there are a million more things I have been doing but I keep forgetting everything in real life so I guess it should be the same here too. What have I forgotten? Well, this afternoon we were waiting for the bus for my son to go to Kindergarten. He only has gym and needs to wear gym shoes one day a week. Today is that day. You are probably thinking "well, anyone could forget". Except the reason I made the Season Book picture taking day on Wednesday is so that his gym shoes would be right by the door when it was time to go so we wouldn't forget. We actually walked right by them, went to a completely different room and got him his other shoes. Just before the bus came I remembered and ran in the house to grab them.

Punkmins

radioactivegirltori@gmail.com (radioactive girl) — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 17:45:00 +0000

When one of my kids was very little, instead of saying "pumpkin", they said "punkmin". The only person who remembers is me, and for some reason I say it every time I talk about pumpkins which then gets an eye roll and a "mom how long will that be funny to you?" from my kids. Anyway, over the weekend I was busy. I'll just list some of the things I did:

Saturday I had fun with Kim and Diane. Kim showed me a new restaurant (new to me, not new) and I am dying to go back again.

I bought a $2 necklace and it broke before I could wear it a second time. (I am wearing the $2 necklace in the picture. Also a shirt that after I wore it the entire day I realized it is a maternity shirt. I really need to buy some new clothes...my youngest "baby" is almost 6).

My sister in law came over and brought pizza. I felt bloated and huge the entire next day. I couldn't figure out why since I didn't think I ate too much. My husband said when he went to put his shoes on that morning, they were tight. I guess the pizza was kind of salty.

I knit these mittens for my daughter's teacher. They were supposed to be for Christmas but I couldn't wait and sent them today as a thank you for all the help she has been giving us with my daughter's learning difficulties.

I knit a sock that almost killed me. I am going to wait before beginning the second sock to let my brain rest a bit and maybe forget just how difficult I found it so I will be willing to repeat it and make the second one.

My 9 year old daughter went to a sleepover Friday night and was exhausted the rest of the weekend. When she asked if I wanted to know how late they stayed up, I said no. She told me anyway. They went to bed at 5 am and got up at 8.

My 11 year old went to a Halloween party at a friends house. It was a friend I didn't know. When I dropped her off, I saw no parents. The girl said they were busy and couldn't come to the door. There was a car in the garage and she swore her mom was home. I was feeling not great about it, but I dropped her off anyway. She was fine. It was just a few streets over and I may or may not have texted my daughter a few times while she was there to be sure everything was fine.

We carved punkmins.My youngest drew on the pumpkin where he wanted me to carve. He named his punkmin "Count Pumpkin" because of the pointy teeth.

My 11 year old daughter carved her own with a real knife and everything. It made me nervous so I had to look away while she used that knife. She's fine but it is hard for me to remember she really is old enough to be using a big sharp knife.

My 9 year old daughter is obsessed with all things Harry Potter. When she asked if I could help her figure out how to make her pumpkin into Harry Potter, I was stumped at first. Then I thought of this. She LOVES it.

This is Frankenstein, my 9 year old son's pumpkin. You can't see it, but he has stitches in his head. It is super cool. I think all my kids had great ideas for punkmins. I told them I will continue saying "punkmins" instead of "pumpkins" as long as I am the only one who is willing to scoop out the pumpkin guts.

That Kind of Mom

radioactivegirltori@gmail.com (radioactive girl) — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 15:37:00 +0000

A few days ago I had two women over for breakfast. I hadn't met one of them before and the other one was someone I barely knew. A few weeks before that, I happened to be taking Maya for a walk when I ran into the woman I barely know. I stopped and talked a bit (because that is the kind of neighborhood we live in) and somehow it came up that her daughter has a learning disability. We stood there and talked for at least 30 minutes about that and then decided we should meet at a house or coffee shop or something so we could not be just standing at the edge of the driveway trying to learn from each other. I suggested she come over for breakfast one day and she asked if she should invite another woman who has a son with a learning disability so we could all talk about it together and see what the school is doing for each of them and compare notes.

We set up the date for several weeks later (which was this week...I think I am telling this story in the most confusing way I could possibly do it) and I sort of forgot about it. When I saw that it was coming up, I started thinking that this was going to be the most boring morning ever. Seriously, who wants to sit around and talk about their kids' learning disability. I would never have believed someone if they said that I would be doing this. I love my kids, I really do, but sitting around talking about them and dissecting their behaviours is not something I want to do if I don't have to. I'm not the kind of mom who could sit around and talk about my kids poop or what they were eating or whatever and worry about it, and this doesn't seem like something I would do either. I am just not "that kind of mom".

Well, as it turns out I guess I am "that kind of mom" because the discussion with the women was very interesting. We talked about the IEP's that their children had in place and talked about what else they thought would help their kids that the school refused. That afternoon was my IEP meeting for my daughter, so I was paying close attention and even taking notes. It was just so nice to talk to people who understood the frustration of having a kid who is working their butt off in school and just not getting anywhere.

Later that afternoon when I went to the IEP meeting, things were very similar to what the other moms had described. There is just so much information thrown at you that it is sort of confusing. I was happy that her teacher (who I love) and the Occupational Therapist she has been seeing (who I also love) were there. Everyone else was so intimidating and grown-up like! I have a hard time processing information when there is so much given to me in such a high pressure situation. (Actually, that is one of the issues my daughter has at school that it takes her extra time to retrieve and process information, which made me think of my inability to answer a question, any question, if put on the spot.)

I think the IEP is a good start, I think it will help but who knows? It is more help than she was getting and she is actually going to be in the learning disability program for some of it so I think it should be what she needs. It is just super frustrating when you know your daughter needs more than what she is getting but you have no idea what that more should be.

Besides all of that going on I have been sick with a monster cold that I know exactly how I got. My kids have been sick on and off since they started school. I was just congratulating myself for avoiding it completely the whole time they have been sick. And then one day when my son was getting on the bus, he kissed me goodbye like he always does. EXCEPT this time we both turned our heads the wrong way and he ended up kissing me right on the mouth. And then he coughed. A few days later I was sick.

The daycare stuff is going well. My kids are having a blast. My daughters are all over the littlest one and I think I wouldn't even need to be here and he would be very well taken care of. I can't judge how it is going completely yet because I have had the cold. It has been fun but I have been exhausted. I think that is from the cold, but I won't know for sure until the cold is gone and I see how I feel. The kids I watch are afraid of Maya so she stays in her room most of the day. I do let her out when they are napping but I feel terrible for her because it is so different from how it used to be. I feel like I should pay Maya because it is so hard on her (but what would a dog do with money?) I have been taking her for extra long walks when they leave each night and she seems fine. I have a special talent for feeling guilt over unnecessary things.

And one last thing. Our neighborhood is super safe. When we go to the park we don't lock the door. Or at least we didn't used to. A few days ago my husband was home when we left to go to the park. As we walked out he was the last one out. He asked if I had keys so he could lock the door. I yelled across the driveway that "we don't do that" and then noticed that there were tons of worker type people right in ear shot. Then I yelled out to him "I also usually don't announce that the door is unlocked either" and went and got my keys. Since then I have been locking the stupid door, which makes me crazy because then I can't have the kids run back alone to go to the bathroom.

Magical Phones

radioactivegirltori@gmail.com (radioactive girl) — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 14:04:00 +0000

Going on a field trip to a pumpkin patch is not much fun when it is pouring rain and 40 degrees out. I did have fun, but the actual field trip itself was kind of miserable. We went on a hayride in the pouring rain, listened to a story about how corn grows and all kinds of information about the farm, picked pumpkins and then waited and hoped the bus would hurry up and get back to take us back to school.

However, even though the conditions were not ideal, it was awesome to see my son and his friends and how he acts at school. He is such a big kid, which is incredibly hard for me. He used to like to sit and snuggle me all day. Now he is very busy playing with his friends or his siblings. I am torn because I am sad that I am not his complete world anymore, but obviously if he always thought that, he would be kind of a weird little kid. He has so many friends at school, everyone is always telling him something and trying to get his attention. He is funny at school too. I mean he's funny at home, but not in a way kids would get.

One example of how he cracked everyone up on the field trip? Well, the farm guy was trying to pull one of the fuzzy cows over towards the kids. He stopped and the cow pooped right in front of the kids. The farm guy said "Look at that, I scared the crap out of him". My son immediately said "yeah, literally" and then laughed. All the teachers and parents cracked up and the other farm guy kept repeating my son and laughing about it. There were many more instances like this but that one is the one that stands out the most.

One of the little boys in my group was so sweet. When we got on the bus together, the first thing he said was that he loved my mittens. When I told him I made them, he was very impressed and kept asking me how I made them. He just kept saying over and over how much he loved them. Then a little later he said he thought our dog was cute. I asked him how he knew our dog was cute. He said "well I see him every day when you are at the bus stop". Apparently the kid is on the bus before my son is and watches the puppy ever day. I had no idea! The little boy was super adorable.

When we got home from the field trip I was freezing. It took 3 cups of coffee to warm me up. When the kids all got home from school I had to take my daughter to pick up her glasses. It was a long drive so she did her homework in the car. I envy her ability to do that because if I tried to read or do homework in the car I would puke. We got her glasses and then headed home. On the way home I realized I was starving. I hadn't eaten lunch because I normally eat after my son gets on the bus and since I went on the field trip I wasn't home at that time. We stopped for dinner, just the two of us. I absolutely love being alone with my daughter. She talks non stop about everything and it is wonderful. I don't often get to spend alone time with each kid so it was awesome to have some time with her.

Other things I did over the weekend:

got my hair cut and found out that the reason the salon I used to go to shut down was that they didn't pay any taxes in the 4 years they were open.

went shopping with my 9 year old son for a rug for my 5 year old son's room.

went out to dinner alone with my 9 year old son, which was pretty awesome.

while out to dinner with that son, he asked me something that I didn't know the answer to. He told me to look it up on my phone. When I told him my phone doesn't do that, he looked at me like he couldn't believe it. My husband is constantly on his phone so I am sure my son just thought every phone is "magical" like that.

made cookies and a huge dinner that we will be eating leftover for weeks. It was great, but I seem to forget sometimes that I am not cooking for an army.

took a walk with Maya so long that my daughter who went with was really really tired when we got home and actually went to bed.

woke up this morning to a sick 9 year old boy who is staying home today.

This week is super busy for me so I may not post much...or maybe I will since it is sure to be filled with blog-able moments.

Things I Don't Want to Do

radioactivegirltori@gmail.com (radioactive girl) — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 13:51:00 +0000

Yesterday I wrote about the person who made me mad and have gotten several emails and a few comments asking if I did what the person asked me to. I am not proud to admit this, but I said I would do it if I had time. The reason I am not proud of that is that I already knew I wouldn't have time so I was being sort of passive aggressive in saying I would if I had time. I think part of me is hoping that when this person realizes I didn't do it, they will get mad and let me know which will then allow me to bring up the thing they didn't do when I was in the hospital and then the person will actually understand and be willing to listen to why what they did/didn't do was sucky. Two wrongs don't make a right, but I am feeling spiteful and what I am not going to do is something most people wouldn't even ask someone to do in the first place because it doesn't matter at all. (Confusing much?) That being said, I have to take my daughter to the eye doctor tonight after school to pick up her glasses. Doing this would make the favor only a slight inconvenience so guilt may get the best of me and I may end up doing it even though I don't want to.

Today is my son's field trip to the pumpkin patch. It is raining and the high temperature for today will be 43 or something ridiculously cold like that. A few minutes ago the school called me. I was really hoping they were calling to tell me the field trip was cancelled. They were actually calling to make sure I was still going with because a lot of parents have cancelled. That I do not get. I don't want to go on the field trip in the freezing cold rain and all the mud but I wouldn't even consider cancelling unless my son was too sick. That seems not nice to commit to helping and then not do it because it isn't so pleasant. It is October. It isn't like we didn't know when we signed up that it could be cold and yucky. That is one thing I don't do...not do something I said I would do...well, except for when I am being passive aggressive and don't help someone I am angry with when I said I would.

radioactivegirltori@gmail.com (radioactive girl) — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 14:57:00 +0000

When I had surgery, I asked one person to do something for me while I was in the hospital. This person "forgot" or was "too busy" to do the one simple thing I asked them to do. I was annoyed because I help this person out all the time and wished they could have just done the one thing they said they would. This person called me this morning and asked me to do something for them. I was about to come blog about it in great detail because I am pissed they would even consider asking but then I thought about it and thought that it wouldn't be nice and if the person read this, they would be sad. Why am I so concerned with how this person feels that I am stifling my need to write about something I have every right to be upset about? It is all true facts, so why don't I want to upset this person? I guess because I am a helper and a fixer and would never dream of upsetting someone else over something that is sort of trivial but really made me furious/hurt/whatever. This someone is sort of a selfish person in general so talking about it with them like I normally would if someone hurt me would not make a difference or not enough of a difference that I want to bother with it.

Moving on, I saw my oncologist yesterday. Good news! He said since he is so much more expensive than my regular gynecologist I can just see the gynecologist for follow ups for now. If the gynecologist sees anything concerning he will send me back to the oncologist but otherwise I can just pay my normal insurance co-pay instead of the crazy high co-pay I have to pay for the oncologist. He figured my gynecologist could do the blood work just as well as he could and I thought it was super nice of him to save me the money. It makes me mad that gynecological oncologists cost me so much money, but also extremely thankful that I was able to afford to go to him in the first place and get the excellent care he provided. I am aware that some people don't have that and I am fortunate in that respect.

We talked about that 5k I wanted to do. His thoughts are similar to mine when I think about the daycare kids I am going to watch, but opposite sort of. My thoughts on that were that it doesn't have to be a forever thing. Well, his thoughts on the 5k are that my body is still healing and not running doesn't have to be a forever thing, but he wants me to continue to take it easy for the next few months. He said I have had a lot of major surgeries in the last 4 years, more than most people have in their lifetimes. His opinion is that if I let my body rest and recover maybe it can finally be healthy. When I see my gynecologist in 6 months we can talk about resuming heavier exercise, but for now walking on the treadmill is about all I should do. Which makes me feel better about staying on the medical leave from my gym since I wouldn't be able to go now anyway. With the daycare kids coming 3 days a week, I wouldn't really have more than one day a week to go, and possibly a weekend day so I would have had to take a break anyway.

I guess things all work out for the best even when it isn't what I thought I wanted. Taking a break will be good for me (I say that grudgingly because by the time I can potentially run again it will be April and my birthday is in April and that seems like a really long time away right now).

Tomorrow I will chaperone my son's field trip to the pumpkin patch. It is freezing cold here and supposed to rain tomorrow. If it is going to rain, I'd rather have it get colder so it could snow instead because walking around a muddy pumpkin patch in cold rain is not high on my list of fun things to do! My son is probably staying home sick today so it may not end up making a difference if he doesn't get better by tomorrow. Is it horrible that I am sort of hoping he doesn't make it to school tomorrow so I don't have to go on the field trip? I want to do the field trip, just not in the cold rain.

I guess the summary of this post if you skimmed is that I am making the best of things that are not exactly ideal or what I hoped for. And maybe that I am too forgiving and need to stand up for myself more when people are rude and thoughtless.

Oh and that there was a deer in our yard really close to our house. You can't tell from the picture but our basement windows are under the deck and the deer scared my daughter when she saw it staring in the window this morning. Also in the picture is my dead vegetable garden that I need to take care of but keep forgetting about.

Living Life

radioactivegirltori@gmail.com (radioactive girl) — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 18:06:00 +0000

My kids were at their grandparents house this weekend. I decided to strip the wallpaper from my son's room (he had already done some because he "hates that baby wallpaper") and then paint his room. He also peeled the paint off the basement wall a few years ago because he didn't like the color I chose. I haven't repainted that yet but soon I will.

Before

After. It is hard to see the paint color but it is called "retro avocado" so just picture the inside of an avocado and that is the exact color it is.

Today the kids have a day off of school. Because I am a horribly un-fun mom I made my daughter go to the eye doctor. She has been having headaches after school and I figured it couldn't hurt to check her eyes. Guess what???? She needs glasses. Just for one eye, which is totally weird to me, but she thinks it is the coolest thing ever. She found the cutest pair of pink glasses and almost makes me jealous enough to wish I needed glasses. When we get them I will post a picture of them but not on her so you won't get the full effect of cuteness. Why are kids so darn adorable in glasses?

I bet you are on the edge of your seat wondering what I decided about the daycare kids. It should shock no one (if you know me at all) that I did decide to watch those 3 kids. I think it will be fun, and if it isn't I can always give her notice and change my mind. I wouldn't leave them stuck, but it doesn't have to be a forever thing if it doesn't work out. I sort of figure I can either let my illnesses control me by limiting what I decide to do in case of "what if" kind of things, or I can take control and just live my life how I want to and deal with what comes. Nothing is ever guaranteed in life, so I feel like it would be silly to skip things "just in case". What would be the point in living life if I approached it like that? I am still holding off on the 5k until I see my oncologist tomorrow though.

Maybe the daycare thing will be too much for me, maybe it will just be fun. I'll never know unless I try. I think it will be fun though (obviously or I would have skipped it).

S Money

radioactivegirltori@gmail.com (radioactive girl) — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 15:52:00 +0000

My 5 year old has been very interested in money and counting recently. I'm sure it is because of school. He is obsessed with counting everything and when we see anything with a price on it he writes the numbers in the air with his finger after he figures out what the amount is.

Two nights ago we went to the book fair at the kids' school. We found a few books and each time he counted and did his money writing thing to figure out how much things would be. I mention the book fair only because I have to show you the book he chose. The first book he ran over to excitedly was

I love to bake with this kid so how could I say no? He wants to make every recipe in the book in order. We'll see about that.

After that he chose a transformers book. I also bought a book to read to the kids and we all love it so far, Toys Go Out.

Yesterday we went to the grocery store. All through the store, my son did his number thing with the prices. He saw a cent sign and asked what it was. Apparently they have only talked about dollar signs in class. We talked about it. He talked about the S money and the C money and how the S money is better because it is more. Then he said "hey mom, you should call me S Money because my name has an S in it and we could make it a dollar sign." Maybe he will be a rapper someday?

We made cookies this morning, the first recipe in the book we got at the book fair. They were called Secret Ingredient Chocolate Chip Surprise Cookies but I'll tell you the secret ingredient if you promise not to tell anyone else. Corn Flakes. They add an incredibly addictive crunch to the cookies, and they are delicious.

(kitchen=messy because we are baking and also the kids are sleeping over at their grandparents soon and are putting things on the counter to remember to bring them. Cabinet=messy because I am not so organized right now. Don't judge please!)

In related news, I am almost back up to my normal weight. My weight started coming back when I started walking on the treadmill last week. Don't tell my doctor, I am walking very slowly and I expect him to ok this on Tuesday when I see him anyway. Hopefully. So my theory is that walking on treadmills causes weight gain while being completely sedentary causes rapid weight loss (for me). But for real I think it is because I am much hungrier when I am active so I eat more calories than I used up with walking.

Questions to answer in comments if you want to help me out:

1. Would it be completely crazy for me to try and do a 5K on November 1 since I haven't really exercised since July? What if I am fine (sort of) with walking? I mean, obviously only if my doctor says I can exercise when I see him Tuesday, which I really hope he does!

2. Since I am feeling so good now, would it be crazy to watch 3 kids three days a week? It would be nice to have the extra money to pay medical bills, but would it make me feel crappy and tired again? My doctor and I both think my feeling good is a normal healthy feeling good feeling and the reason it feels so different to me is that I haven't felt completely healthy for years so it is sort of a new feeling. That being the case, I could work 3 days a week and be fine, right?

You can probably tell how I want you to answer on both of those, right?

Dating and Doctors

radioactivegirltori@gmail.com (radioactive girl) — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 16:30:00 +0000

If you recall (I have no idea why anyone would be paying enough attention to my medical stuff to do so) my regular doctor switched his practice and started charging an enormous amount once a year in order to be his patient. I considered paying it since I loved him so much, but after I finally called and got all the information and saw the prices for visits in addition to the yearly fee, I decided against it. I felt lost and scared. I only had 2 refills left on one of my medications and needed to find a doctor soon.

Finding a doctor is probably a lot like dating. You have to find someone you trust, someone you get along with and someone who will take good care of you when you need it. I am quite picky about the doctors I see. I have lucked out with most of them and have a ton of doctors I trust and love. When I went to my neck lymph node surgery check, I asked that doctor (my very favorite) who I should go to. He gave me 2 names. One is closer to my house but is with a hospital I am not crazy about and the other is farther from my house. He said the one closer to my house is his first choice for me, said we would get along great and that she is a great doctor. He said the other guy was "fine".

When I got home, I thought and thought about what to do. Finally I decided that the chance I would be admitted by my primary doctor to that hospital I don't love is very small. When any of my specialists do surgery or anything, they choose the hospital I go to and they all are with hospitals I do love. It would be better if all my doctors were with the same hospital, but not completely necessary.

Yesterday was the first appointment. I was very nervous. What if I didn't like the doctor? What if she wasn't the kind of doctor I wanted? I should not have worried. She came in and was wonderful. The best part is that at the end, after spending about 45 minutes with me going over everything, she asked if she had answered all my questions and if I wanted to know anything else. And she meant it.

We talked about those chest CT's that no doctor can seem to make a decision about. The problem being that something was found on my whole body scan after the radioactive treatment when I had cancer. I was sent for a chest CT and things showed up. Those things have been stable for the entire time we have been doing the chest CT's. Not only are the chest CT's expensive, but they also expose me to bunches of radiation. How do we decide whether watching them is important enough to expose me to all that radiation regularly? I have had two different doctors tell me I would be done after the next scan and then change their mind because they don't want to miss anything. My doctor said she thinks no one has wanted to make the call because what if they choose one and the other becomes a problem? Who wants to be responsible for that? Her solution is that she is going to send me to an oncologist she trusts and have him make the final decision. That way, someone completely qualified with many different kinds of cancer can weigh the risks and benefits and tell me what to do. I feel much better about that.

Queen of the Random

radioactivegirltori@gmail.com (radioactive girl) — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 16:00:00 +0000

I made a stockingfor Maya
because I am crazy.

We had a busy weekend. I believe I say that every weekend and I think that is because I have a busy life, and the weekends are where I try to squeeze in even more fun activities since everyone is home and together.

We (I? I always say "we" but I think mostly it is me that wants to do all the things I squeeze in) have been wanting to go to the pumpkin patch to pick pumpkins but I hadn't found one I was excited about. Last week we got a coupon booklet the mail (do you know what I'm talking about? Usually I throw them away but lately I have been looking through them and they have some cool stuff that I never would have known about if I didn't read them). In the booklet was an ad for a tiny little farm that has hayrides, pumpkins, etc. I decided we could try it out.

When we got there, the woman was super friendly. In fact, it was almost completely empty except for us, so we got some wonderful customer service. The worker people kind of followed us around, but not in an annoying creepy way, and anticipated what we would need/want and directed us to the proper place before we even had to ask.

First we painted totem poles. It was just a chunk of wood that the kids painted, but it was a pretty cool idea that they loved. After that, we went and looked at the frog pond, saw the animals, and then went on a hayride. The hayride was one of the best I have ever been on. I am not generally a fan of hayrides because I sort of don't get it and I am allergic to hay so I always end up with watery red eyes at the end. Plus you can never get all the hay off of you so you walk around the rest of the day with hay stuck to you. But this hayride was pretty cool, they had hidden surprises around every turn and it was actually fun.

After that, everyone wanted to go in the corn maze. It was super muddy in there so I halfway tried to talk them out of it but didn't argue when they said they wanted to go anyway. When my husband asked who was going I said "I have no interest in that and they need a grown up to go so guess what you are doing?" He didn't mind because he loves corn mazes. Corn mazes are fine but I didn't want to get super muddy right then so while they went in the corn maze, I went and got their totem poles to put in the car. Then I sat around the little campfire with the workers to wait for them to come out of the corn maze. I waited for over half an hour! I texted my husband to see what the story was and he never texted back. One employee was starting to get worried when they all popped out of the entrance. They got really lost and turned around and when they saw the entrance again they just decided to go out and be done. They were laughing like crazy that they couldn't find their way through the maze. We bought our pumpkins and left.

When we got home, the kids took off their shoes in the laundry room and I spent the next hour (no joke) scraping mud off their shoes. After that I worked on making some artichoke dip and pumpkin cobbler because we were having friends over for dinner and games. I also put out some of my homemade cheese, Swiss and Cheddar. If I didn't say they were homemade, I don't think anyone would have known. I want to try goat cheese next. I have no idea how I would do at making that but I think we will find out soon.

While we ate dinner, the kids told them about our day. When they got to the corn maze part, they asked me why I didn't go too. I then said "well, do you watch Bones?" They did, so I told them that all I could think about was that episode with the corn maze and the mummy and it was pretty scary so I didn't want to go. I was then proclaimed "Queen of the Random", which if you watch the show you would know that it was like their "King of the Lab" title they compete for. After dinner we played games and ate dessert.

Sunday I did exciting things like clean out my daughters closets and realize that neither of them owns more than 2 pairs of long pants that fit them. Darn kids and all their growing. Tomorrow after my doctor appointment I will probably stop and pick some up for them. I also made a bunch of pizzas. I made "a bunch" because no one in my house likes the same kind of pizza and it is good leftover so now I don't have to figure out what to make for everyone for dinner tonight.

And of course because I have a doctor appointment tomorrow, we are making cookies today. Peanut butter oatmeal butterscotch. I admit I chose the recipe because I couldn't imagine how those flavors would be together. Now I know. They are pretty yummy. My 5 year old is getting really good at measuring ingredients. In fact he is so good at it that I can let him do it all by himself. He is pretty proud of himself, which I love.

Shadows and Asphalt

radioactivegirltori@gmail.com (radioactive girl) — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 19:48:00 +0000

This morning I got another order for my yarn. I don't know when this will stop being so exciting for me but the validation that what I am making is pretty and good is quite awesome. Being a stay at home mom is hard work but you get no recognition of that fact. You don't get paid, and no one goes all crazy about what a good job you are doing (they do when my husband takes them somewhere alone which I believe is totally unfair and sucky. Why do men get extra credit for being good dads while women are just expected to be good moms? That is a topic for another post I think).

My 5 year old and I had no plans for the morning before school. I like to keep it sort of calm in the morning so he doesn't tire himself out before school so we usually just play and then I run errands and stuff when he is at school so he doesn't have to go. I have no idea when I will squeeze in a trip to the gym once I am allowed to go and I am actually thinking of just quitting my gym. I would still run at home, but paying a bunch of money each month for something I don't really feel like taking time to do seems dumb. I wouldn't go in the morning when my son is home because then I would have to put him in the daycare. By the time he goes to school, I would have to rush to the gym, rush my workout and maybe skip a shower in order to get home in time. That just doesn't seem worth it to me. Exercise should be fun and if it isn't, why would I bother? Anyway, I figured the post office wouldn't tire my son out too much so we went to mail the yarn while he was home instead of waiting until he went to school(that was the point of this paragraph, sorry for the excess info).

At the post office, we mailed the yarn (obviously) and then on the way out, we noticed that the parking lot was being fixed. Obviously we noticed it on the way in because of the asphalt smell and part of the parking lot being roped off, but what I mean is that on the way out, we stood for about 45 minutes watching the dump truck dump the asphalt down, the people scooping it up, the truck rolling over it to smooth it out, etc. My son was so excited. He kept saying "you never get to see this up close like we are. Usually we are driving and you can't stop. Mom, isn't this fun?" It wouldn't have been fun if he wasn't there with me, but since he was it was pretty much the most fun I had all day. I love seeing the world through his eyes. It really helps you appreciate the simple things in life.

After we had watched for a while, the boss man (does he have a title? probably but I'm not sure what it is) came over and laughed and said to my son "this is why you need to stay smart and stay in school because then you don't have to do this". I think if he were trying to encourage my son to stay in school, he had the opposite effect. "You mean if you don't go to college you get to do this????" Imagine that sentence said very excitedly and you will understand what I mean.

After we were done watching we waved goodbye to the men working. They all waved back which made my son even more excited. We got home in just enough time to feed my son lunch and then head out to color with chalk before the bus came. That's what we do every day before school because the bus pickup is not very consistent. Luckily the bus stop for kindergarten is at the end of our driveway so it doesn't really matter too much how long we have to hang out outside waiting.

I think I forgot to mention our experiment with shadows that we started a bunch of weeks ago. We traced things like the basketball hoop, and the shadow of the house, which stay in the same place all the time and then periodically we check to see if the shadow is still in the same place it was when we traced it. We also traced each others shadows and every day try to see if we fit inside our own outline. Every day when we go outside, our shadow is a little bit different than when we traced it. When it wasn't the same the first time, we had a long talk about why the shadow moved. These kinds of moments are my favorites because you get to teach without being boring. My son is very much like me, that if something is relevant to him he remembers it completely and pretty instantly where if he just learned something in a book and I didn't make up a story to make it something to do with his life, he will never remember it at all. So now every day we check to see if we can fit into our shadow, and in the time we wait for the bus we see how our shadows change. We talked about sun dials, and how clouds can make your shadow disappear. He is definitely a science brained guy and totally gets things. He asks me questions every day that I need to go look up because I think I know, but I'm not sure and I know he will remember and tell people his mom said...and I don't want to be embarrassed by telling him the wrong info.

If you skimmed this post, the main idea is that I find very mundane things extremely exciting. For real. The end.

Funny Things (to me anyway)

radioactivegirltori@gmail.com (radioactive girl) — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 14:52:00 +0000

I made cookies this morning with my 5 year old. We got the recipe from my 9 year old daughter's friend. When it was time to scoop out the cookies and put them on the cookie sheets, my 5 year old said "I need to be careful so I don't put them too close because then they could morph together". The way he talks and the phrases he uses make me laugh like crazy! Especially because he is so serious about everything he says.

We made cookies today because our house is freezing and I didn't want to turn the heat on.

I finished Maya's sweater. That one is funny just because it is. Seriously? I knit a dog sweater! (yarn is from my shop)

We may need to have her practice wearing it because she doesn't seem crazy about it right now.

Her leg seemed fine until yesterday when she started limping again. I was sort of happy because as much as I want to go for a walk, it is now freezing cold out. Now I think I'd like to wait and just walk on the treadmill when I am allowed to again. (Don't worry, I will walk her even if it is freezing when she is done limping).

When we were apple picking a few weeks ago (I think I forgot to mention that on here) we saw something that cracked me up. I have already said I laugh a lot and it doesn't take much to make me laugh out loud, but this is funny, right?If you click on the picture, you can see that someone carved a face on the apple and stuck it on the sign.

On Saturday, I was making something in the kitchen. We had our front door open because it was a beautiful day and I love fresh air when it isn't freezing. The doorbell rang and by the time I got to it (literally about 5 seconds) no one was there. We were ding dong ditched. They left a little card on the step in front of our house. It was addressed to my 9 year old son and was a totally silly letter from 2 girls in his class saying that he'd never guess who they were but then they dropped all sorts of hints and finally told him who they were. Did these girls do this because they like like him? Or is it just kids playing? My 9 year old daughter said the two girls are "boy crazy" and "like" him. I see him as a baby still...how can girls like him already???? Either way that card they left was funny. I am still giggling about it when I think about it.

The last thing that is making me laugh is that my 9 year old son came home on Friday and said "mom I got to bring the class pet home for the weekend". Just as I started to ask him what kind of pet it was, he continued with "but when I handed him to (sister's name) on the bus, his head fell off". I yelped out "What?!?!" (ask Kim, she was here, maybe she saw the terror in my eyes). His sister then explained that the class pet's name is Bob and he is a bobble head turtle. Bob had an exciting weekend, which was great because my son had to write a short paper on his adventures to turn in yesterday. He wrote all about how Bob had to go to the hospital and have surgery. It was hysterical but then I asked him if the story was supposed to be a true story of what the turtle did all weekend. His answer? "Well, you just had Bob on your desk all weekend. No one wants to read that boring story." His teacher has a sense of humor where I think she will absolutely love his story even though not much of it is true.